Unstable emotions
in ebony air;
zephyr
frightens isolated child home alone.
Linen hides fantasy goblins
while meta searches for protection.
Shadows produce wretched creatures in horrid form.
Author notes
prompt: veil of insecurities 20-30 words
In a list
A contest entry
- Saturday Morning Quickie by Cerulean Sunrise.
575 points, ended March 21, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - You pick by Flowergirl.
800 points, ended March 28, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Bring your best PW (5 to 50 words) QUICKY by Meroza.
700 points, ended April 1, 54 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - You never know.... by Cyanide Dreams.
1640 points, ended May 12, 77 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
thoughts?
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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good job at capturing the mood
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It does a fine job of capturing the mood in the photo. I would say that they are well suited for one another. The theme is elusive which allows for multiple interpretation, with a feeling of dread being at the base. Nicely done.
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love the pic.... really beautiful! good write as well! keep it up!
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I like this
poetic and cozy -
very compeling.....nicely done
this is a very small, but descriptive peom....I like this. YOUR AWSOME!!!
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beautiful
lovely collection of emotions and words....loved this one -
Sharp, neat, nifty, sparse yet potent...simply a perfect poem for the photograph above... I loved it!!
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Stunning... As my eyes were reading the words it was as though the girl in the photo moved a little... This is what I call a vivid description!
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nice
very interesting the way you have written fear in this one... enjoyable... really
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this one is really good, i liked the fear you captured within the piece
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I don't think u can write a bad poem
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i like the picture, i think it makes the poem even better. "linen hides fantasy goblins" is my favorite line. i like the fantasy feel of it also. good job.
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Poet
Boy the cgild in most of us can relate to this fine write. Oh those frightening memories. Well done as always poet.
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Greatly written!! The picture itself showed some mixed emotions!! Feared as I see in the eyes!!
Short and tasteful! From beginning to end! Excellant job!!
*Kelsi*
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wow awesome
i like this it makes me feel sad but its great
great job
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91
Title: 9/10
Originality: 9/10
Emotion: 8/10
Grammar/Spelling: 10/10
Flow/Structure: 9/10
Imagery: 9/10
Overall Use of Poetic Devices: 9/10
Reaction: 9/10
Rules: 10/10
Overall: 9/10
Totaling: 91/100
Wow, this was intense. I could see everyline vividly in a picture. Great job ! I enjoyed this read and I really liked how you layed this out. Great job and good luck in the contest.
Josh
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This was really good and did speak of the fears and emotions of a child hunted in the dark by unknown creatures that lurk waiting. You allowed very vivid images to plant themselves in my mind. A great write that reminded me of when i was a kid. Always afraid of the dark, whether alone or with someone. Thank you.
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Fantastic
I liked this poem. -
This is a very good poem, I like the fantasy in it. It has a great imagery and I really did relate well to it.
Good luck
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very neat i love it keep it up....
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I got kinda of an eerie feeling in this,
"Linen hides fantasy goblins
while meta searches for protection"
I like that! Great work
Ken
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ooooooooh. i am very glad that i stumbled upon this write today. i just love how you talk about the shadows producing creatures. i can remember thinking the same thing when i was a kid. great write, and i will be reading more of your work in the near future.
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ah the wind, it can blow your imagination into a thousand shards of glass-like fear, and roll them into monsters. a good poem.
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Whoaa.
Man, are you talented or what!
This is brilliant!
I especially liked the opening lines-
'Unstable emotions
in ebony air;'
Wow.
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There is a lot of deep behind the poem.
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wow
your writes lately have just left me speechless, absolutely beautifully penned words, even if frightened!
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I have felt this way before I used to have two puppets that I was afraid of when I was little they were scary looking!!!! This is well written and portrayed my friend!!!!! I love the way that you wrote this piece!!!! This is so wonderful!!!! I love the flow!!!!!!!! I love it!!!!!
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Nicely done with wonderful imagery!
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when we're younger things always seem so scary, great take... good luck
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Scary. I thought that this was like...so scary. I loved it, though, especially the last line. Great visuals and imagery and all that jazz. Well done and good luck in the contest. I bet you'll win.
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Good write
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GOod &
Original -
a nice take on the promt good luck in the contestmaralisa
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