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Anticlimactic

Suddenly
and with evident flair
the shifting spin begins

Infirm ground encumbers
my toes are getting sucked in
like my breath
fumble fingered inside
the tatters of my mind

I only wish I
weren’t aware of my
degradation

Author notes

Word prompt: Sanity, Insanity, or both (I selected Insanity). 5-50 words.

A contest entry

All polite critical commentary is welcome and solicited.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • Meroza
    March 31

    Edit | Reply
    A very interesting take on that prompt. A good twist

    Good luck


    • BearWoman gold member
      March 31

      Edit | Reply
      Thank you. I liked your idea for this contest and was glad I had a few pre-writes around that might fit.


  • Kari gold member
    March 22

    Edit | Reply
    "I only wish I
    weren’t aware of my
    degradation..."

    I was wondering if weren't should have been wasn't??

    This was a very well done poem. Thanks for your entry


    • BearWoman gold member
      March 23
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you, & thanks for the contest. "I wish I weren't" is proper grammar, as I understand it.


  • geckogirl silver member
    March 21

    Edit | Reply
    BearMum, love the power in this.. you have captured insanity really well... great piece & good luck

  • Judith Chandler
    March 21

    Edit | Reply
    Oh dear, I have a feeling this can't be good. The shifting of a relationship, am I right.

    Enjoyed your write. A good take on the prompt.

    • BearWoman gold member
      March 21
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you, Judith! Actually, I was projecting what it feels like when my brains/cognition go fritzy (from my physical disability) and the (sometimes) accompanying feeling of loss of control and ability. I did push the envelope poetically, as I don't feel that way at the moment. However, it is definitely an example of "writing from one's own experience." Okay, you may feel sorry for me now, give me a , and we'll just move on to other things.

      Thank you for your comments and appreciation.

      • Judith Chandler
        March 21
        Edit | Reply

        Physical disability

        That never entered my mind though I will no doubt start to relate to it more as time moves on.

        I like your spirit.

        • BearWoman gold member
          March 21
          Edit | Reply

          I know that of which I speak

          >> "I like your spirit." Thanks.

          FYI, while physiologically based, it can affect my nervous system and my brain/cognition. When it happens I can still become distressed by it, even with more than 15 years of experience. At least I get to call myself a "veteran" of my own personal war.

          Namaste'
          ~The Bear


  • MJ Donnelly gold member
    March 21
    Edit | Reply
    Nicely written with powerful emotion.

    All the best hun.
    mj.

1 - 19 of 19