some time ago we had this purity
this guilt of innocent cluelessness
but we also had a respectful curiosity
that allowed us to lightly scrape the surface
of our true selves dwelling under many
glittering levels of blissful peace
that hid the roaring races of realities
we didn't know existed
secrets whose weight lightened every day
that became a simple part of us
a lock whose key was almost lost between
what we learned was acceptable and
what should be left...unsaid
but as each excerpt we allowed ourselves to show
the closer we got to what we already knew
yet somehow we couldn't understand
the truth we both shared, but once revealed
it is like reaching death and still living
only revealing the truth that had
become a hymn, sung in dissonance
but once we heard each other
the harmony emerged and the hymn became
more than a song or any idea
that anyone could hum along to
but an explosion
a whispering prayer asking for
disrespectful curiosity; dissection of the thoughts
we never elaborated on with anyone
and then.....
the strange heavy taste of guilt,
the most wicked ghost,
became the most star-struck angel
so light that I could float
the most pleasurable taste of light
the most pleasurable taste of innocent knowledge
Author notes
innocent cluelessness- means that we were clueless and innocent
"scrape the surface
of our true selves dwelling under many
glittering levels of blissful peace
that hid the roaring races of realities
we didn't know existed"- meant that we were hiding our true selves from each other and just sort of talking but not deeply. We both knew that we were hiding something but we weren't ready to talk about it just yet.
"secrets whose weight lightened every day
that became a simple part of us
a lock whose key was almost lost between
what we learned was acceptable and
what should be left...unsaid"- things that we never really thought we would talk about with another person
"the truth that had
become a hymn, sung in dissonance
but once we heard each other
the harmony emerged and the hymn became
more than a song or any idea
that anyone could hum along to
but an explosion
a whispering prayer asking for
disrespectful curiosity; dissection of the thoughts
we never elaborated on with anyone"- basically a secret that we both shared and didn't know it. when we told each other everything opened up
"the strange heavy taste of guilt,
the most wicked ghost,
became the most star-struck angel
so light that I could float
the most pleasurable taste of light
the most pleasurable taste of innocent knowledge"- the relief of knowing that we shared something and that the tension was gone. and now we knew things about each other and we didn't have to feel guilty of knowing it and sharing it
******this was mostly about something that I shared with my ex boyfriend and it was this big secret and all. I couldn't get it out of him it took me while but when I finally did it was something that I as well shared with him and that meant so much to both of us and sort of changed our outlook on life.
A contest entry
- Any poems. by Blue-Rose Beauty.
1750 points, ended April 1, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - "Actual, Between, & Beyond" PWs allowed by Intricate Wordsmith.
700 points, ended May 25, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me dark or love poems. by MichaelSavage.
900 points, ended May 10, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Complete And Utter Emotion!! by ChunkyC.
900 points, ended June 19, 77 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites - What ever you like! by dutch2lips.
400 points, ended August 4, 438 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PRWRITE CONTEST FOR ALL by serenity silvermoon.
900 points, ended August 2, 1023 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Turn HM To Gold by AngelBellerose.
750 points, ended August 2, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 38 of 38
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I've always liked this poem of yours for reasons I said in my previous comment.
I'm not sure it really fits what I'm looking for with the contest prompt though... while you talk about one pivotal moment that made you a lot closer to someone, there doesn't seem to be anything in here about overcoming an obstacle in your interactions with that person, as the prompt asks for. It's not that you were ever angry with each other, just that you didn't know each other as well. I'd enter another poem here. -
a whispering prayer asking for
disrespectful curiosity; dissection of the thoughts
we never elaborated on with anyone
and then.....
the feeling their as we find ourselves in each other
well penned thank you for entering Hugs Angel♥
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your words touch the core, touched the reason why you wrote this piece and yet did not quite uncover what the reason/core is.
hmm sounds enigmatic, sorry for that
thank you for entering -
This is really pretty. The words you used were excellent and conveyed your emotion nicely. I like how you explained a lot of the poem in the AN. Great job here.
Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest :]
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Thank you for your entry. It is just what we are looking for.
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I feel there is something there
Though there's something... missing.
There are many parts to this that I like though some of the phrasing doesn't bring across to me what you mean.
it seemed to drag, and my mind wandered from it even as I was activly reading it.
Good luck to you in the contest ^_^ -
I don't like some of the phrasing in the poem, however it was not bad. Thank you for your entry and good luck!
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no.
I'm sorry. this felt as though it was missing something. -
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like?
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it has potential, but it doesn't feel as full as it could. it seems to be sitting on the surface, waiting to dive deeper.
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hm what you said is extremely ironic
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in what way?
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um did you read the poem?
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yes. I don't typically remember every single phrase to the letter though. but looking back, yes my comment does relate.
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yes.
i feel there is potential. -
I'm gonna have to say no.
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why?
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I say yes.
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Innocent love. I really like your take on the prompt and the way you wrote this. Good job and good luck.
Michael
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this was a great poem....
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great poem! thanks for the entry!
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Great write! Keep it up!
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Good luck, nice write.
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thanks for entering....good luck.
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Very well written indeed, your word choices were right on.
Lots of emotion throughout. i enjoyed it!
good luck in contest , thanks for entering -
I love the emotion you protray here, and i feel that you are right on the prompt!
thank you for entering and best of luck to you
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This is a very well written piece of writing!! I love your word choices, and the way it just flows, bringing the reader's eyes along with it. I didn't want to look away in case I lost the feeling I got while reading it- a sort of calm feeling. Great job and thanks for entering!
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Simone, this poem is amazing.
This is very honest and beautifully written and I love it.
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Lots of good phrasing in this one. It's got kind of a stream-of-consciousness feel to it, because you don't capitalize the lines. I can see why this won you an Honorable Mention
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Aw, what a beautifully
crafted write filled with
such genuine emotion.
Thanks for entering & best of luck
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Intimate mysterys
The feeling of being so very close to another and yet so seperate overwelmed me as I read this. At first I felt the closeness like a world all your own, just the two of you. But then it kinda turned into something different for me, like lines were crossed and something changed, was loosed and then incorporated. Maybe innocence? Very mysterious imagery arises and I have to say captivates and leads into uncharted waters....I liked!
Well done.
I so enjoyed reading this and getting lost in the feelings and thoughts it created!
Justified Inc.
Bravo!
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I like it.
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I think this poem told more than showed. I also felt that this could use line breaks. I didn't feel this was as effective prose as it could be free verse. Your emotion in this were good though and the last part from "disrespectful curiousity" to the end was really good. Thanks for entering and good luck in teh contest.
Josh
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now that I got some points thaought you would love some and good luck
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"The most pleasurable taste of innocent knowledge." That was an excellent closing line. This piece was spectacular and well worded. I enjoyed reading it. The pink over black color was a little harsh on my eyes, but regardless, this was beautiful. Excellent write and good luck in my contest.
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A very nice write. But it was a bit too long and I couldn't stay focused on this. Thank you for taking the time to enter
~Lae
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hah thanks! thats true I made a typo!
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Welcome to AllPoetry!
This is a great poem - I really like the way that you have expressed your thoughts in this way - it has a really mystical feel to it I think from a constructive criticism point you might like to look at where you have "start-struck", it seems like it should be "star-struck" - but that is just my opinion and I enjoyed this poem!
Welcome to the site, I hope that you enjoy your time here at AllPoetry!
Polly
Site Greeter
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