She'll be sleeping now.
Her hair tossed about her head,
and I would rather hesitate
here at the edge of the bed;
but that's not the way the story goes,
not the way that it unfolds.
You see,
I must write another verse
one that's full of dread
the red of apropos
the seed of appled prose
the lightning in her head,
the fevered pitch of burst.
And then, the Third,
Melancholy
where I have read of Love;
heard it spoken of.
Conversed;
in whispers
so as not to wake her
before I close the door.
Author notes
Written February 29th, 2004
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Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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Sad in subject matter but the imagery is something to marvelled at to be honest. I love the emotion in this poem it is truly something to be felt and really grabbed the reader and held it them to the last word. Excellent word.
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Wonderfully written piece, loved the form and flow and the thoughts are filled with emotion and are captivating. great work. keep your pen forever flowing!
Bunny
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very common senario penned extremely well. the thoughts and feelings of this poem are conveyed perfectly and gave you a real sense of being ther and being in those shoes. Welll put together. My favourite part was the first stanza:
She'll be sleeping now.
Her hair tossed about her head,
and I would rather hesitate
here at the edge of the bed;
but that's not the way the story goes,
not the way that it unfolds.
you set the scen brilliantly. keep writing as to seem tohave a flair for getting your point and scene across very well.
Peace, V.
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Beautifully written and so sad. I could definetly feel the emotions of this poem.
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In Love and Lucky
So many different interpretations, mine totally different.. First this is a very splendid poem!! It feels like it is easy to itemize one loved limitations hum in the sense.. hours pass watching him/her sleeping and all that mental conversation going on.. i wonder if it is flirting with the illusion of criticism or a choice in attitudes of power, a different manifest.. The door portraying let it begin with me and the change begin then.. peace of mind depends on honest personal inventory. Then love become an active part in the growth. Very profund poetry so much can be said.. All my love xx -
an interesting piece of work,i'm not to sure i understand it,i've read it several times be not appear to be getting any wiser.rudolf
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this has got great rhythm, it flows so smoothly. it just carries one along. the imagery is good too. wonderful job on this!
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Good poem
Great write,Keep it up!Good rhythm,and choice of words!Lisa K Haslett Raytown Mo.Have a good day! -
That is one pretty poem. Hard to resist pretty poems. I especially like this part:
She'll be sleeping now.
Her hair tossed about her head,
and I would rather hesitate
here at the edge of the bed;
but that's not the way the story goes,
not the way that it unfolds.
You see,
I must write another verse
one that's full of dread
the red of apropos
the seed of appled prose
the lightning in her head,
the fevered pitch of burst.
And then, the Third,
Melancholy
where I have read of Love;
heard it spoken of.
Conversed;
in whispers
so as not to wake her
before I close the door.
Really good.
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I loved it!!!!! A very enjoyable and meaningful write. Thanks for sharing this poem. I liked how it was very descriptive and it was wonderfully penned. Great job!!!!!!
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I want to say this was beautifully written. I love the beautiful image you paint. I am lost as to what the title has to do with the piece. What are the two desires?
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lovely
awww, how sad... such imagery as to make me cry. i love the way you weave this story.its lovely. -
Amazing!
Great write! Amazing! Keep it up! -
this is very sweet. I'm not good at all at writing love poetry, but this one was very nice. Emotional and charming.
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brilliant
The sacrafices one must make are often misunderstood. To me it is frighteningly clear and hits very close to home. Extraordinary poem. -
this has a very nice affectionate tenderness to it. I like that! and it's also a really well-written poem.
tis no wonder lute shines in the ladies' hearts.
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Haunting. Implications peering out at the reader, who in this case is probably too dense to catch anything but hints and nuances. You do a thing here with time, the way dreams deal with time: and this I can't express, but the images are lovely.
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his love happens to be
a verse of love of dread
of melancholy
a whirlpool of emotions
whilst she is sleeping
with a smile
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hmmmm...lots to ponder in this write. Hard to tell actually...if it is one scene or a condensed version of something played out over time. It begins with such a sweetness, yet ends with such a feeling of sadness. Leaves the reader wondering about the details...which is good (to me) because it leaves me filling in my own mental blanks...which i, personally, prefer in a write.
Well done L-Man!
UB
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smile...I do like this one.
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Well, ya know what they say? He who hesitates is lost...
I think you outdid youself with this one Lutie, definitely a keeper and with that great title, bookmarked.
Like the play on words......the red of apropos
the seed of appled prose.
Desiree
Edited on Feb 29, 9:21 because ''cause I wanted to change summphin'. -
enigmatic. i just can't grab it. apparently one has managed to do so. liked the last two lines most especially for some intuitive reason i really can't explain.
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Absolutely Superb!!!!!!!!
How beautiful. This poem is simply amazing. I love every line, every word you use to describe the whole subject of the poem. I have absolutely no idea what cvillelisa is talking about, but who really cares. This poem rocks beyond belief... Excellent. Simply moving, I love it. -
Argh. You infuriate me!
I hate having to run here now but not.
I call it poem voodoo..
I'm sure i've told you of that notion.
I WILL NOT BE LURED IN.
NO NO NO. I WILL NOT.
Fly paper poem man...sticking needles in his readers brains. ARGH!
I leave, my tick-feet sticky with these words...
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