To sit near the computer,
to type on the keys,
to listen to the bird-song
as I sip my tea.
To wake early morning,
to rise from the bed
to listen to the birdsong
and all left unsaid.
To scatter the birdseed,
to fill the feeders full,
to listen to the birdsong
while dressed in wool.
To type on the keys,
to rember the morning,
to listen to the bird song
and hear their warning.
Let me know How this makes you feel, what do you think?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I see you have a harsh critic down there.....
have you read his poetry....
It stinks.
But on a larger scale I think that anyone who slights this piece misses out...
It is a moment in a fulfilled life...
a moment in time....
showing care for his surroundings and the living things that share it........
A man rises to sip his tea and commune with nature...
it is a beautiful moment...
a new day....
to write new works and take in all the good and all the simple blessings
of a new beginning.....
If only more of us would take this time for ourselves...
the world just might get more poetic and less psychotic...
I thought it was beautiful and made me feel peaceful.
Liam
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I see you used quartrains with one line repeated in each one
great structure
to listen to the bird song is woven in to each phrase beautifully with such skill
good job
to describe the morning
the joy of birds -
Visual is awesome. I can see it all. Reminds me of that show with Chevy Chase and he and his wife moved into the woods so he could write. Perhaps it was Steve Martin. Anyway, I truly felt this to be a peacefuly and enjoyable adventure.
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that is me right now, dawn is just cracking and the birds are singing and it is raining! still i am used to the rain. a good light song for morning.
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Now Ernie...
.....you're going to hate me for this, but I don't care ; it has to be said :-
For such a simplistic poem (not just the rhyme scheme, but the "message" too), you manage, quite succesfully, to cock it up.
The flow's not good.
You only have 2 words to rhyme in each verse - yet you choose a half-rhyme in verse 1! Why?
You then feature the poem, which is presumably because you think it's good, but you don't bother to re-read it to correct any typing errors such as that in the 2nd line of the last verse.
I read in your profile that you'd like to be a full time poet.
Might I humbly suggest that you go to oldpoetry.com, and spend as much time as you can reading the old masters : then you will realise just how far you have to go to realise your ambition.
Harsh Words?
Yes, but bluntness I believe to be necessary here.
The above poem is less than mediocre IMO.
Regards,
Robin.
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An enjoyable poem. The settings that you depict are well thought out. If it helps, at the end of the poem I find myself questioning what this bird song is actually like. You share of all the places the bird song has had an impact on you and is in your life. If this is what you were aiming for, well done. If you wanted to go deeper, add more of what the bird song does to you personally. This may just be me, all of what I do ends up being very personal.
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You have to waqtch out for the birds. Hitchcock did.
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ohhhhh what are they warning of? nice twist.
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If a "warning",it must be of an impending storm. Surely hope not so.This reading sits a feeling of "layed back" enjoyment of a little quiet down time. If one could overlook excessive bird warnings.
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