Shoulders, ribs and skulls
jut from the dust,
slumped mountains
of withered bone
that once strained
to hold the jewels of men,
staggered under whip
until nightfall came again.
Here, Saint Anthony
struck the devil's mouth
and tamed temptation;
here, gilded beasts
kissed the ground
with thudding sighs,
then left their kings
alone with sinning eyes.
I rest my wearied hands
on silenced bones:
elephants of dreams,
oxen from a higher earth
enslaved by greed
whose song of mortality
rung from louder bells
than gold's reality.
Wealth will fade,
and with it, the greedy.
Elephants crept onward,
greeting fate
like silent warriors:
falling at the hands
of gluttonous man,
rotting silent in the sands.
Author notes
AP X FACTOR: 2/3
Prompt: Salvador Dali, The Temptation of Saint Anthony
http://www.fotos.org/galeria/data/520/3Salvador-Dali-The-Temptation-Of-Saint-Anthony.jpg
Form: L'Arora
help is GREATLY appreciated...
A contest entry
- AP X Factor: Round Nine [Top 4] - Finale Part 2/3 by sideways hourglass.
1750 points, ended April 1, 4 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I thought this was one of the toughest challenges out of the entire season and for a second attempt in a row, you've nailed it again. What you have here is screaming originality and the diction creates such a dark tone, that this is...fresh in my opinion. Back in the last bottom four elimination challenge you were in, you wrote something dark - but this is better. There's a balance between your emotions and creative ideas - and that makes this not only cohesively better, but emotionally stronger. Generally and technically speaking, this is one of your best so far this season. Actually, this is my favorite of yours this season.
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I will never know where your amazing writing talent comes from. I just know that i love to read everything you write.
Awesome as always. <3 -
i really like everything up to the spider simile. they seem to be more like the helpless critters caught in the web of greed and man is the predatory spider. and they face fate nobly and honorably and in soe ways show more 'humanity' than us humans through peace. i feel like you ar saying this but want to tie that in at the end. you can do it!
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I think youve done great with the form... and amazing pic you chose. "God's fate spinners" was awkward to me. but like how you have captured your prompt.
wish you luck
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thank you
i agree about the ending. i've reworked it about 5 times already and may do so again 
haha... but thanks
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