His washing lies on the machine,
silently mocking his absence.
Mocking his memory.
He had gone, not long ago.
But long ago enough
for the world to forget him.
His red chequered shirt
lies forlorn. Remembering.
Awaiting his return.
Dark blue jeans
slither towards the floor,
yearning to save his memory.
The straight white shirt,
binds them up. Holds them back.
Forcing them to forget him.
His washing lies dormant.
Forgotten.
Mocked in his absence.
Author notes
Written for my English Writing Class as a mod task. (its based on two photographs of a washing machine in the foyer of my school. I think my ap neice is the only one who will know what I'm talking about.
Hehehe, Got all B's and B+'s for this one! YAY
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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well given how you wrote this poem I enjoyed the read. its amazing how our muses or in your case class assignments force us or likesise makes us want to write and wlel this poem is quite good. needless to say for you having not posted a poem in quite some time you deliever a nice poem to us all any ways I say good work on the poem and hope it did well in your class. keep up the good work and never get discouraged if you go dry in the muse for a while because in time the muse livens up and you'll write more than you would normally want too. any ways imma shut up., good work and keep up the good work. Me
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Washing Machine!
Ahaha. I said it in my accounting class once.
After actually reading this, it's a great metaphorical sort of piece! GREAT use of colours too! Brings the imagery through strongly.
Love love.
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Lol. It was based on a black and white photograph, since the assignment was on the colours of the painting/photograph I had to give it colours. But its about time I wrote another poem. I swear its only been several months.
Why the new name? -
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Ah well good job then. And yeah, about time.
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Sigh, why do you ask the impossible... it sounds great.
but this is what I think you should do...
Get rid of the 'his' in the first line it makes it sound like your telling a story from the middle.
At a so after the not in the next paragraph to smooth out the wrinkles, and get rid ago in the second line...
Put a commar after forlorn and not a full stop same with remembering.
line: dark blue jeans
maybe
jeans darkened by time.
Then slithers with an 's'
Get rid of the up in the line:
binds them up. Holds them back.
I think thats it... but I hope this is what your looking for.
Kate
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