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for love i rejoice

There is no vacancy in my mind
darling you are
the only thought one will find

At night I sleep well,
When i dream of us making history
There is a certain sense of romantic mystery

I jump from morning pillows and  rejoice! 
for once again--
ill hear your sweet serenading voice

I will remain forever grateful for your affection
As do mirrors which examine enviously your reflection.

Nothing warms my soul as much as your eyes,
and your hands are blankets when I am cold,
please stand by me when I am gray and old

this is sincere, so Sarah darling
when the future marches through
do not fear,
'cus baby i'll be here

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • swim.x
    August 2

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    last stanza = awesome, going out with a bang.
    especially 'when the future marches through'. great imagery.

    your form was great too, how it was quite loose but also similar in each stanza.
    you know what? i love it when i find someone on here who just writes so sincerely, and you can tell they mean every single word they say. and you are that person. so well done.
    i love your writing.


    xx


  • The Accidental Poet
    July 14

    Edit | Reply

    As do mirrors which examine enviously your reflection.

    is a brilliant line! This poem is remarkable for that line alone. I was able to find meter in this work, and I wouldn't change anything, you can look back on this when you are famous, and see how much your talent has changed. Keep writing!


  • coversheet
    June 1

    Edit | Reply
    well, love poetry is something that you can't really criticize effectively because, for most people, it comes out exactly how they want it to.

    i guess everyone else has already suggested everything there is to suggest, so i'm just gonna say that i do like this. it's not like a generic love poem. the first stanza is the best, though. it catches your attention whereas the rest kinda slip in and out of originality, haha.

    very well-written and good luck in the contests ;D

  • bd77bd7
    May 24

    Edit | Reply

    different

    I believe that poetry is an expression of the artist's own feelings, so I won't be too judgemental. The format seems a little scattered. It affected the flow of your poem. That can impair a reader's interest in future writings. You had bursts of descriptiveness. That's a very important characteristic to have as a poet!! Check out my poems "Candlelight Night", "Here I Am", and "Set Apart". Let me know what you think. Keep up the good work.


  • CrystalLizard
    May 12

    Edit | Reply
    I think your sporadic rhyme works well to keep the words flowing. I like the phrase "I jump from morning pillows." However, "As do mirrors who examine enviously at your reflection" is awkward—maybe try "As do mirrors which examine enviously your reflection." Also, the "ill" in the last line should be "I'll"; it would make the ending much smoother. Overall, I enjoyed—your poem has a tender brightness that's very refreshing.

  • Kalamina
    April 26

    Edit | Reply
    I enjoyed this, however, i feel that if you would rearrange some of the sentences, (take out the "and" in the sentence, "and please stand by me when i am gray and old" to make it flow better) and perhaps include some more original imagery will make this a more solid poem, great write though! with some work, this will be even better!

    • sinkfloridasink
      April 26
      Edit | Reply
      thank you! I usually never edit my poems or take advice but I believe you are right...thank you for the criticism and the comment


  • Cyanide Dreams
    April 12

    Edit | Reply
    I felt that this poem was cliche. More metaphors and imagery in this should make this a very great poem. I did like your emotion in this though. This was very heartfelt. Great job on this and good luck in the contest.

    Josh


  • Xx.Toxic.xX
    April 1

    Edit | Reply
    wow. this was amazing. it's so beautiful and expressive. some nice contrast to the heartbreak poetry i usually find here.


  • Tear-Stained Heart
    April 1
    Edit | Reply

    so sweet

    i wish a man would write a poem like that for me. it's so beautiful. very tender.


  • Mistress Leala silver member
    March 28
    Edit | Reply
    Awe, so beautiful and loving. Such tender words expressed with such delicacy and truce.


  • estbelle gold member
    March 19

    Edit | Reply
    such a beautiful dedication to your Sarah

    There is no vacancy in my mind
    darling you are
    the only thought one will find

    I love this part so much
    although I must admit I love
    every part of it
    this is such a wonderful feeling

1 - 16 of 16