Can good new gifts fall
with ease through them,
as much as treasures
are so quickly and easily lost?
Not a thing, a 'space'
a 'way' to be and be with.
Now to cross our moon
like shooting stars...
no, comets;
I like to think they travel on.
While ever more to help us all,
even in ways of which we may
remain completely unaware of,
those gifts still alive at work.
A sincere wish attached
to a simple thought in mystery
becomes a real prayer,
a face presenting benevolence.
Author notes
Prompt: 'I'll heal the stones and kiss the stars'
A contest entry
- OMG I have a shedload of points to give away... Come and get them!! by Zeprina-Jaz.
2000 points, ended March 28, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Welcome any sincere response and critique.
Comments
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Unique and inspiring! The first stanza reminds me that life is a cycle and we're always being renewed. There's no need to hold onto treasures because we're constantly being showered with new ones.
The second stanza could stand on it's own with its profundity! In fact each verse is self contained enough to stand on its own and yet it all flows together very smoothly. It reminds me of Rumi.
I didn't realise until now that you're a Brit!
Peace Georgia
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Yep.. that's me.
Thanks Georgia for such a lovely and encouraging comment.
Sol
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Austere, but surefooted~
Love the title and the cosmic descriptive;
metaphors and images do a successful handshake
overall.
to a simple thought in mystery,
becomes a real prayer,<---don't think that comma is needed
in fact, the verse is so light, you could let up on much of the punctuation in my opinion.
Wonderful
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Thank you so much for the gift of your thoughtful comment. As well as encouragement, you've given me some helpfully valid things to think about.
Very much appreciated
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they are always there
what a lovely write, you writes are so thought provoking! i love it!!! Solomon great to have
you back!
Blessings
Rend
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Thanks Rend, great to see you
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Beautifully penned. I like the simplicity of it.
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Thank you Cylis.
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You are very welcom
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wow this was a really nice one to read!
i love the style of narration here, it really helps to illustrate your views and in turn makes me ponder your message further.
Its a really strong piece throughout with the ending message being particularly deep - i take from it the fact that if you wish hard enough your dreams can really happen.
amazing
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Thanks for your generous comment and thoughtful take on my poem.
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Beautiful thoughts from a beautiful sol/soul. You speak of treasures while in the midst of creating this treasure of a poem. Great work. Excellent title and your last stanza finishes the poem off nicely...alby
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Thank you so much alby
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HATk6CzrOJ8&feature=channel
this reads like magic
like manifestation
i needed this today
thank you
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'manifestation' YES!
I didn't even connect it as completely as I might have until you said it.
And yes, it is magic because we play a real part through choice, in the way that 'things' come into being.
Your few words help me so much to strengthen where my thoughts are going.
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Thank YOU
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You have a very different style and one that really hooked me. I love the thoughts that are passing through your head and how you present them. Thank you for entering,
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Thank you for your kind words and also for providing the 'space'
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I lovvvvve the title!
This piece made me ponder a bit...
I love it when a poem gets me thinking, Brilliant write!!
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"Now to cross our moon
like shooting stars...
no, comets;
I like to think they travel on."
me too, me too. sighs...
Such a thoughtful, beutiful peice. The last line was
perfect.
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magical moments made in the mind then fashioned and set free to the stars, they soar then return with sparkles of generosity attached, a gift of goodness given to whoever we desire, a single soul or all of humanity, it matters not i think, as long as the thought is there. a good poem.
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