How I long to return and see
my very good friend Tucy Bee
so she can set my senses free.
I'll never forget how she led
me when into her arms I fell
to let the music fill my head
through not just sound but sight as well.
I let her take control and she
blew wide apart perception's doors,
and in the world surrounding me
I saw what wasn't there before.
And when she had to slip away
gently and quietly she went,
unlike her friends Em, Dee and Ay
she left me happy and content.
The hours I spent with her changed me,
I loved the world she made me see,
I'll be back someday, Tucy Bee...
Author notes
This is the first thing I've written in aaaaages. The begining of new inspiration, or the coughing and spluttering of a dying muse?
- baconpeacecoffeedrugssexpoetrymusic lo group list • next in list
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Loved it!
I really liked the rythm and ryming. the feel and subject seemed fresh and well done. Slightly vague but I like that.
The first two stanzas being three lines the next two being four and the last being three wasquite interesting. (in a good way)
Though an alternating patern (between three and four lined stanzas) seems a little more uniform but just nitpicking there
Nice job!
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I am not always the cleverest of poetic detectives but I'm guessing Tucy Bee, Em, Dee and Ay are not people.
Never having been into the drug scence, which I guess is what I suspect this is about I must plead ignorance, and of course if I'm wrong, I truly am an even bigger idiot than I thought.
Structure; tri and quatrain with a set rhyme scheme that for the most part works. I could haggle over a couple word choices, an "and" here for beat but really it is a very good effort, as all poetry is an effort. Language is common, so to me that is good, no overly poetic uses here. Good job on structure and rhyme and a metaphor I believe is lost on me.
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Interesting and then some. I liked these lines:
I'll never forget how she led
me when into her arms I fell
to let the music fill my head
through not just sound but sight as well.
Keep writing. -
What a wonderful dedication to what sounds like a good friend of yours. We all need friends to turn to, even if it is only in memory and this is a wonderful tribute. Well done fakeport
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No, Not Dying
Tucy has a good friend that has kept her memory.
Just one comment on these three lines,
She shows me things I can't ignore,
she blows apart perception's door,
I see what wasn't there before.
They are present tense when the rest of the write is past tense. If that was purposeful, then it is your purpose and I missed it.
But it might read more effectively and give more meaning to your last line if it were past tense.
Just a thought.
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