my lungs
are breaking out
of my ribcage,
chasing my heart
that was left with you.
orange juice
laced with a vodka shot
did nothing
but double
the ‘screw you’ message
you gave off.
fucking screwdrivers
and alcohol acting
as depressants.
what I don’t understand
is why you didn’t let me go?
why did you keep holding on
after giving the just friends speech?
I might be ignorant,
but I’m not stupid enough
to fall so easily.
next time, I’ll be ready for you.
Author notes
ugh.
In a list
A contest entry
- Insert Title Here [ Title Prompts] by HereComesTheSun.
575 points, ended April 1, 21 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Amazing
Wow, I love the format of the poem. The short lines give this choppy, angry feel to it that helps elucidate the words you wrote. The actual poem was beautifully penned, I loved every word for it, especially the last line. It was an amazing beginning, middle, and end. No wonder you got the gold
Best Wishes
-Emmy -
Wow! I love this! Good job! :D
My favorite part:
orange juice
laced with a vodka shot
did nothing
but double
the ‘screw you’ message
you gave off.
and
fucking screwdrivers
and alcohol acting
as depressants.
and
I might be ignorant,
but I’m not stupid enough
to fall so easily.
next time, I’ll be ready for you.
To tell the truth, I loved the whole thing. There wasn't a part that I didn't like.
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thanks
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You're welcome!
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what I don’t understand
is why you didn’t let me go?
why did you keep holding on
i know what this is aabout and it fits perfectly with that situation but ugh this has happened so many time it's just like a universal lesson every guy in the world should read this and understand what the fuck he's doing to every girl he's ever fucked over/
i hate men but i love u -
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i love you too
thanks for everything♥
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actually not bad. I don't think it's a good idea to use 'fucking' twice though.
how about 'the "just friends" speech?'
'orange juice
laced with a vodka shot
did nothing
but double
the ‘screw you’ message'
those lines make me laugh for some reason. :]
'fucking screwdrivers
and alcohol acting
as depressants.'
I looooove that. so bitter. kind of hateful, but in a very poetic way.
1st stanza, maybe take out the 'was' in the last line?
other than that, awesome. Best of luck.
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yea i took it out... i was really pissed off when i wrote that.
i don't usually swear in my poetry unless i feel it absolutely necessary.
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it's understandable. [being pissed off]
<3
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wow. breathtaking with a hint of sarcasm and glorious emotion pored into a breathtaking roller coaster ride of a medal winning poem. wow
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thanks for the gold!!
i'm glad you liked it
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"my lungs
are breaking out
of my ribcage,
chasing my heart
that was left with you."
Hooked from the start.
"I might be ignorant,
but I’m not stupid enough
to fall so easily.
next time, I’ll be ready for you."
^This is what I've learned from when the first stanza happened with me.
This is so great.
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