Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

March

We walk together
    through the woods
It's quiet-
the birds notice every footstep
    but sing anyway.
    Just for you.

I point them out to you,
    one by one.
"Peter Peter Peter" -
I describe the jealous wife;
    You laugh,
        and ask about another.
Chickadee-dee-dee,
finches of every color.

A woodpecker barks;
my cheeks flush,
    and I drop to a whisper.
I point, but he's out of sight.

I realize later that
    this is when you grabbed my hand.

We walk a path
    used by coyotes.
I wait to tell you
until we're almost to the creek.
You say you're afraid
    and walk closer to me.
Innocent lies to make me smile.

The ground was recently washed -
Tiny handprints in the mud
    tell of a hungry raccoon.
You notice them first,
trace them with your fingers
    as I watch.
        I thank him.

Spring is fast approaching
and the water is high.
It licks at the bank
    and your toes.
We shiver;
The water hasn't warmed
    as the grass has.
Stubborn, like me.
    You shake your head,
        and we round the next bend.

Author notes

It's not art, certainly. This was written last year in March, when the world was still beautiful and I was still in love. I think it's worth sharing, even if I'm not truly capable of finishing it right now. I haven't altered it much, so I'm sorta going to rely on you guys to help me out. I want to submit this to my school poetry collection, so I want it to be as perfect as I can make it.

Again, the same issue as with the last poem - I'm concerned about the spacing. Also, I don't feel like it flows very well from one stanza to the next, even though each one gets closer to the creek. =/

Thanks for any input. =]

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

  • well hey i think this is pretty cute myself, i wouldnt worry too much about it, looks great to me