Sometimes...
I think about paradise
and wonder if
when my nail touched yours,
was it ever...?
When my heartbeat is
bright flashes on mute,
I wonder
what do I think?
My lip gloss stretches
and I hear bass beats
in a low thrum -
The pressure cooker whistles.
Incandescence and incense
merge into a romance novel
where unrequited love is more exciting
than love itself
push-and-pull
(hypnotised)
but never let it
topple
else it'll bre ak
and the shock is too sudden
and too s l o w
to breathe
It's the spaces between the weave
that makes the light more interesting,
like yellow let fall from terrace
to splash on blue -
the rays left just unable to touch
that invite
a-tension
bipolar
is a line and a zigzag,
a stitch
like painful laughter;
at the intersection
you pause,
as if you're gazing at an open wound
Author notes
Prompt: Punctuated Living
A contest entry
- Punctuated Living by pixiestix.
3500 points, ended March 30, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything!!! Pre-writes! Whatever! by MysteriousWhisper.
500 points, ended April 14, 87 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critiques welcome!
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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LOVE IT! i love the way all your thoughts just flow out! love the structure and the unpredictability! great job and good luck!
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Thank you!
I'm glad you enjoyed it!
bless ya!
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A well-presented
example of free verse that held my attention from beginning to end and left a wonder-full reflection with your expression of "unrequited love" which certainly punctuates thought! I wondered about your use of the word 'nail' in the first lines as I thought that perhaps there might be a motion closer to paradise then that? All in all a well shared poem about life & living! j y
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if i had used the motion of eye contact, yes, it does prove to be a more common way of feeling the rush of excitement, but with nails.. if you've noticed, when nail touches nail, there's hardly any feeling. it's like you realise that something 'collided' with your nail, but you wouldn't feel any lingering sensation as opposed to when the nail touches/scrapes the skin.
if the speaker here is able to think of paradise with nail contact, doesn't it make you think how madly 'in love' this person is? slight humour from my side. 
i'm much honoured to receive your comment and i'm happy to know that you enjoyed this poem. thank you for the HM! i really appreciate it!
bless ya!
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I love the title. It makes me think of being caught within the magnetism and what it would feel like.
The chase is apparently what the speaker lives for verses obtaining the prize which is love. The inbetween is far more interesting like the light filtered through the weave in varied and more extremes forms of punctuation.
Nice take on the prompt. Thanks for entering
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*nods*
much thanks to you for the prompt!
it's the tension of the in-between that makes us feel so many different kinds of emotions, rather than standing on either side, and punctuations are the very characters that help us organise our emotions. many people live just for the chase, but the moment they obtain what they were after, life suddenly becomes dull again.
i'm glad you enjoyed the piece. thank you so much for the HM. i much appreciate it!
bless ya!
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Perfect title. What a shocker of a last line - very well done. Many great lines and images, all very fresh. First poem I have ever read with a pressure cooker whistle! Buff
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oh yes..
pressure cooker whistles are so sudden that it immediately snaps you out of your reverie. there have been many times where i've jumped at its sound.
thank you for your precious comment. i much appreciate it!
bless ya!
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