Passioned souls doth
collide in a symphony
of divine darkness…
Two hearts doth transcend
the light of truth,
beheld in shadows…
Silken veil quivers,
on cool breeze from open window,
candles flicker as distant carriage
draws near, whip spared, reins pulled,
nag nays, heralding its advent…
My new lady love,
for sooth, the most beautiful creature
mine eyes hast ever beheld…
So pale by moon light’s gaze, indeed,
a dark angel of twilight’s grace…
What lady of the night
doth visit a gentleman’s
abode at this hour?
A saucy strumpet, I’ll wager…
Bell chimes, door creaks,
footsteps on marble floor…
I greet my Lady’s pleasure…
‘My Lord, good eventide,
and how doth the day find thee?’
‘My lady... Thou findeth me
in good spirits, my day doth verily
fade to twilight,
bespelled in a blanket of night
that doth enchant mine eyes
to orphean dreams such as thee...’
My lady doth smile coyly,
yet she doest not look away…
She doest excite me, entice me,
rising such dark desires in my soul…
‘Art thou a scholar of the bard, my Lord?’
‘Nay, my Lady, my words are mine own’
Blood thundering in mine ears,
heart pounding against my ribs,
I doth pull her to me, she gasps…
‘My Lord? I beg pardon…
Wouldst thou care to explain thyself?’
‘I wouldst kiss of thee, my Lady…
Such enticement I doth behold in thee…
Such passion in thy heart
doest stir such longing in my soul…
To hold thee in mine arms, to gaze into thine eyes,
To kiss of thy lips, wouldst be to surrender
to my burning desires and damn my soul to Hades…’
‘Thou art incorrigible, Sir…
But alas, I shalt play thy game
and blush with shame on the morrow…’
Lips meet, tongues lock, attire discarded
in the heat of carnal awakening…
For sooth, a faint heart never won fair maidens
and fortune favours the bold…
I run mine hands through my Lady’s silken black hair
and stroke of her soft pale skin as I gaze into her eyes…
‘Thine eyes doth hold such enchantment, my Lady…
Verily, I couldst become lost to thy darkest depths
and regret not this night…’
‘Then I shalt taste of thee, my Lord…’
A predator’s smile doth grace her lips…
With lust in her pale blue eyes,
she doest lick of her crescive canines…
I gasp and taketh a step back…
‘Fear thee not, my love, if I wouldst wish thee dead
thou wouldst be cold and lost to quietus, long since’
‘Thou truly art a Vampyre? An immortal?’
‘Doest that trouble thee, my Lord?’
Strangely, I feared her not, I craved her more…
Truly it doth fan the flames of my desire
that one such as she shouldst hold favour
with a mortal such as I…
‘Nay, my Lady, I wouldst have thee this night,
lest I wouldst regret mine inaction
beheld by eternity’s hand...
Verily, thy darkness art comely and
thy bountiful bosoms doth bespell mine eyes
to thine enticement… Have thee, I shalt…’
I take her in mine arms and kiss of her lips
once more, blindly lost to passion’s grasp…
I doth feel her writhe at my touch,
her bare flesh upon mine own…
My fingertips doth stroke, trace and caress
every curve her form doth offer…
Mine hands doth fondle, grasp and feel
every flesh beneath my palms…
I doest hear her gasp as my tongue doth
explore her, tease her, taste of her…
I part her with my fingertips,
my tongue like an eel to her passion…
She doth cry out, gripping mine head…
‘Taketh me, my love… Now…’
My manhood throbs, aching to be inside her…
She quakes as I doest become one with her…
Hot breath upon my neck, embraced of her legs,
She bites of me and I liketh it, she draws my blood
and feeds in carnal fever, heart pounding as one
with mine own… Such dark appetites…
The like of which, I hast never known…
Building… Riding the storm…
Nails… Clawing at my skin…
Thrusting… Faster… Harder… Deeper…
Teeth… Biting at my flesh…
Rising… The peak of rapture’s fury…
Building… Backs arched in rhythmic rhapsody…
Frenzied… Peaked paroxysm, gasp as one…
Pressure bursts, passion sates, weak to climax wake…
I hold her in mine arms as she dost gently lick
the blood from my neck…
‘Tell me my Lady, why hast thou sought me out?’
She gazed into mine eyes and smiled…
‘Tales of thy carnal appetites are whispered
far and wide, I had to know…
Fore I wouldst sire thee my Lord,
thou wouldst walk in eternity with me…’
‘Thou wouldst grant me immortality? Now? This night?’
She puts her finger to my lips…
‘Patience, my love… Fore thou must court me,
prove thyself worthy of thy siring…’
‘Prove myself? My Lady, what wouldst thou hath me do?’
‘I wouldst hath thee play with me, tether me,
Cut me, whip me, splash my skin with Holy water
in the heat of passion…’
‘Then so be it, and if it wouldst please my lady,
I may pop a clove of garlic up thy bum for merriment’
Author notes
Pic from http://www.testriffic.com/resultfiles/20088VAMPIRE.jpg
In a list
A contest entry
- Erotic Rounds Contest (3 of 5) Invite only by Dark Otter.
900 points, ended March 27, 5 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - DOM or SUB? by loveaswellashate.
800 points, ended May 30, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Create Desire (20th Contest) by Trixie08.
1000 points, ended June 10, 34 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Everything Erotic. by Poetryintheblood.
900 points, ended August 5, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ♥Sensual Fantasies (18+ :P)♥ by zee91190.
800 points, ended November 12, 62 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Vampires! by poisonivystar4.
700 points, ends November 28, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
-
I like the way that you wrote this in OE. Gives the whole poem an ancient feeling.
Good luck in the contest!
-
A wonderful write, dark and sensual. You took me on a journey and for quite a few minutes I lost all sense of where I was. So deeply immersed in this thriling tale.I did however mention that I would not entertain lengthy poems, nevertheless I think I could make an exception for this one..
"I doest hear her gasp as my tongue doth
explore her, tease her, taste of her…
I part her with my fingertips,
my tongue like an eel to her passion…" those lines were brilliant!
Kudos to a tale well told, thanks for entering
All the best
-
Wow, that was quite a trip, I was completely gone for a moment. I love poetry that can transport me to a different time and place. This is amazing. The passion in this poem is something any (twisted) person would wish for.
The imagery was spot on and the varietion in rhythm added even more interest to this write. It was a roller coaster, truly. Romance, passion, raw sensuality, and even a bit of humor at the end. Makes my head spin as though someone just drained my blood.
-
This is amazing, I was so into your write from beginning to end and that makes for a wonderful piece, love the end bit about the garlic up they bum hehe, thank you for your entry and good luck, Josie
-
wow bro i never read this one. I love the tale.
Enthralling.
sexy, sensual
Held me from beginning to end.
Loved it.
Keep the ink flowing
fire
-
Geeze!
Sexy Much?
I tottally dig this & the way you write it in old school dialect (word usage?)
I liked this alot, I like the story & how it unfolds. I L-O-V-E the imagery & the way you captivate me before seducing me! great write my man!
exOHex
Brea
-
Seducting. I held my breath. Loved the theme. Nice.
-
congradulations on the greenie
should have been bronze at least, don't your day rewrite your poem for someone else' s subjective comments, judging should be objective not subjective, and you are the Prince of Darkness my Dear and I love you for it
hugs Draig Teine fire dragon of the east, daughter of the Red Dragon of Wales -
Judges Critique
Content 40% 35 points
This is where you get honesty from me. I love dark erotica and I love how you write a story. But, I am more demanding as a judge than I am as a writer and a reader.
In your narrative, there are no names, a place or a time. No back story and little character development. A prologue would have helped to set the story. eg.
"Yes it was May 23, In the year of the Lord, 1785 I found myself on the barnacled seaside docks of dreary London in search of the rumored whereabouts of the visiting 'Lamia'. I, Doctor Jekyll, seek her as one monster seeks another. To know her in all ways possible and maybe to begin to know myself.
Stepping from the sleek black carriage drawn by the oversized horses, I release the rider to return to his stables, paying him the agreed upon sum of Two pounds, and watch him turn to climb back up to the top. With a dark grin, he courteously wishes me a good evening and grabs the reins to leave. One last time, he addresses me and says "That bloodsucker has taken down better men than you. Beware that temptress has her ways!" In seconds his black presence dissappears into the cold, foggy night."
With a good setup everthing falls into place. Choice of language, tone, possible endings and plots all materialize. You are a good storyteller and very descriptive in your action and background.
Your archaic use of language might need work. Too many extra words. Verb agreement depends on personal vs. impersonal pronouns.
Poetic Devices 20% 15 points
Excessive use of adjectives, even though you are very good with them. Some alliteration and that's about it
Form 20% 18
Your centered prose is done well. It is a good vehicle for your story.
Spelling, grammar, punctuation 10% 6 points
Some mispellings (forsooth and others)
Grammar has problems. You need to remove extra words at several locations.
Appearance 10% 10 points
You always have a good look to your piece
84 points
This is a good story with potential. The ending didn't work for me. It needs some cleanup. -
-
well Fritz
S&M for Vampires, hmm not tell iz much is much enticing, where did that extra clove of garlic go?????????????????? hmmm
-
-
Wow, Fritz, this is incredible!! You have an amazing talent!
-
Fritz,
Your the man. Time after time I have been impressed with what you do with your writes. It is creative and it is erotic and it is you. I am happy that you are here to spice this up!
The one thing that is different is that everybody set their own bar this round. It is 5 gold worthy pieces all competing.
Your narrative has the flavor and atmosphere that I wanted. Its dark humor appeals to my most basic nature.
-
Are you sure you still have a reflection...(mirror)... Wow
A kinky vampire at that! Wonderful as always but then I just expect it now ....Bravo! Bravo!
-
WOOT wow
-
If I were the type to blush I would have
What a fantastic poen hun
Oh wow wow ans WOW
Dark sex at its very best
Lustful, luring...
Best wishes my brother
Julie xx
-
Usually I would have looked at the picture and just moved on..not my cup of tea. How ever since it was you I knew it would be something special and it was. You take this country girl out of her world, shocked her make her kind of think it is very warm in the room . Then the last line oh Ftritz!!!
You are so good at being bad so very good.
-
Oh Fritz, you had me nearly drooling here, reading away, enjoying every word like some kinky voyeur and then get to that last line and it almost creased me in half. Only you could end such a steamy lusciously dark write with an ending like that. Sheila
-
Excellent!
Phew! Tis hot in here!!
Once again you astound me with your talent. Your use of ye olde english is beyond compare. This was so seductive...tantalisingly so. Bravo on an amazing write.
Mariana
-
Wow big brother this piece is simply amazing!!! Your imagery is truly vivid!!!! Your words are truly captivating what an absolutely incredible piece!!!!! You did such a marvelous job with this piece!!!!! I love the way that your words flow!!! This is so dark deep and delicious!!!!! Well done my dear big brother!!!!!!! My words can't express you did a beautiful job!!!!!!! I love it!!!!!!! I LOVE U SOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!! MAMMOTH JURASSIC XOXOXOXOXO
-
oh and that pic...I was drooling...
-
DAMN...
...This is delish!!! Devilishly delish!!!! I was and remain captivated. It is a comfort to read the words of another who dreams darkly as I and many I know. Night visits have entertained me for many years...of such a sensual and wanton nature. Thus I was deemed evil and deviant. The depth of love between such creatures defies mortal passions. I am a gentle person and would inflict pain on no one, would be against my rede...yet consenting sensuality is another matter all together. This is a precious jewel, I adore its luster.
Blessed be~
Az
-
You've done it again. How you put the reader in your poems . . so visceral . . . words so desirable . . . worlds so madly wanting.
***Rae***
-
Enthralling read!
Great story--
I was there in the moment
in every scene so vivid in my
mind , delighting my senses
and imagination.
Good luck in the contest
Thanks for sharing
~Pastel
Adding your comment:
1 - 23 of 23
