"Paradise"
I doubt that really exists...
anywhere.
Even where the scent of the flower led me.
This place I've struggled to reach...
is a long way from paradise.
I lay here in the red snow,
my search for paradise has come to an abrupt end.
All of the hope I had, and the dreams I carried...
end right now along with my journey.
I went all of my life believing that one day,
I could go to a peaceful, beautiful place...
but this place doesn't exist,
at least not on this planet.
I saw the gates of this so called paradise open,
but all it brought with it was the end of the world.
...perhaps that's the key...
Maybe along with death comes happiness;
maybe this paradise I've been searching for...
has actually found me.
Author notes
I got most of the inspiration from the anime/manga Wolf's Rain. But I did add my own ideas of paradise in there as well.
A contest entry
- round one; your best prewrite. by August Starlight.
765 points, ended March 21, 93 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Paradise is weird. To someone paradise could be dying, while eating three truckloads of food, deep fried. To someone else it could be not having to pick up dog shit ever again when the dog dies. Who knows. My paradise would be a box of crayons in the middle of a rainforest, talking to a pineapple. Yeh. You said with death comes happiness. This is true if that bitch of a relative dies and leaves you money. Sour old cow. I don't have any of those though. So yeah... epic fail XD WEeeeeeeeeeee go Justin puck puck puck
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hmmm intersting write good job
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I love it. Although I am not a big fan of manga I have read Wolf's Rain this is good take. Great job!
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This was somewhat confusing but I enjoyed it nonetheless. The ending was great. Thank you for entering and good luck.
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Thanks, I hear that a lot. Mainly because this poem occurs at the end of an already written story. lol
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explaination: well i just don't like the use of italics, and i dont really understand why the person in the poem is giving up just cuz they've died? like that doesnt make sense to me. just cuz death comes for their body doesnt mean it should be the death of their hopes and dreams, really. idk hopes and dreams just kind of become irrelevant, but the person was hoping for a paradise, and that paradise was not to be found on earth, so shouldnt they be happy right off?
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I understand where you're coming from. And I guess I should of taken this into consideration before posting the poem. But this poem actually occurs at the end of a story that has already been written. haha
The name of the story is Wolf's Rain btw. -
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no fuckin way.
xD
ok i forgive you for that.
i love wolf's rain. -
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haha
Do you understand everything that occured in Wolf's Rain?
If so, re-read the poem with that in mind. lol -
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mhm. it makes more sense now.
now i understand why the SNOW is red. cuz he died in the snow. haha. -
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It is in the author's notes!
>_> -
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omggg i saw that and i changed the comment
calm down
my bad
i'm blonde ok? >.>
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hmm i honestly didnt like this at first, but the last stanza hooked me. i'm all for things finding someone when they seem to be wasting time searching. that kind of thing. :] but anyway, i did eventually like this, so good job
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wow Justin!! this blew me away i love how you did this piece... "maybe this paradise I've been searching for...
has actually found me" those words are so powerful. but i disagree about death bringing happiness. i've lost too many close ppl to see it that way....
absolutely amazing!!!! ily
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creative
Love it. I can literally feel your lack of faith in an afterlife. Its saddening but at the same time, very repfreshing to read. I love anything that provokes thought in me. Great write justin!
My favorite lines were:
"I saw the gates of this so called paradise open,
but all it brought with it was the end of the world."
I LOVE imagery. =]
Take Kare. <33Jaymie
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I think this poem should start off describing the scent of the flower and maybe see a so-called paradise.
Why is the snow red?
The last stanza is very deep. I like it. It was thought provoking.
I think that you need a little more description as to where you are and what led you there. It would make the poem more relatable and impactful.
Just a few suggestions that I hope are helpful.
-deadly -
wow juju.
this is really really good.
i love how you portrayed the person, yourself i suppose searching for a paradise only to realize
his paradise has found him.
wonderful wonderful write.
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i like it. in other words until life ends u'll never be happy b/c there's hardly any happiness on this planet i like it
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wow Justin, this is great. i liked it a lot. and i looooove Wolf's Rain even tho i've never seen it.
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