You Left Me

and the truth is... that I miss you
and the truth is... I should not have let you go...
so i crawl back into your open arms...

Thes words have always resonated with me...
I remember listening to this CD cleaning, and texting you
I came across the letter Grandma wrote me saying sorry.
She was old, and sick, but still felt bad for missing my birthday...
I think that it was that night that I really fell for you.
Like fell for you completely...
I was in tears, and you comforted me through the phone
I don't remember what you had said but at the time it was perfect
I had to finish cleaning, so we went back to texting...
I wrote you lyrics and you wrote back
"One day I will touch your check, kiss your forehead and say I love you."
My heart melted, and I started crying softly
the next one was even more powerful..
"and even when I die I know the scent lingers there, my soul lives ensuring that no harm will you bear"
somehow I know you're right... I can't feel you here around me yet..
but somehow I know you'll be back.
I still don't know how to deal with you being gone
I haven't dealt with it...
I still have it all bottled up inside
I saw someone logged onto your page, and my heart sank
I felt so sick to my stomach
Honey I would give anything to have you back here.
but I know that you were living in Hell here on this molten blue
you have to have been in order to do what you did
I wonder if our lives would have been different for us if things could have been different
I don't blame myself, but I do blame myself for not being agressive enough and being so afraid...
god I was so young and was so afraid of my family.
I should have told them to shut up...
but you were so worried about me driving a stake through my relationship with them, because family was so utterly important to you...
oh god I resent them for keeping me away from you, I'm so bitter and angry.
I really wish that I could go back in time and change things
try harder to make you happy, work harder at letting you know I loved you no matter what.
I wouldn't let it go to my head and start going crazy, and cause fucking fights.
I had talked you out of suicide before, why didn't you call me?
What tormented you more this time?
Why didn't you want to be saved again?
Your death haunts me...it torments my graphic mind
I want this pain to end...
I want you to touch my face again, I want to hear your voice again
lay your head on my chest and say i don't want you to go.
I wish my clothes still had your scent lingering in them...
I just want to wrap my self in that scent...the scent
of the Alpha
how dare you leave me here?
it was always the two of us...
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW???
where does this leave me?
All of my dreams came crashing down with one phone call
WHERE DOES THIS LEAVE ME???
...it leaves me broken
                                battered
                                            beaten
                                                      and bleeding
where you we had found each other
deep in the abyss...and I feel those icy tendrils piercing through my heart.