Struggle

If i had known, changing was upon me, just being in your presents, your
body over me, I would had said no. I would have stopped, before the change.
Taken my heart, and mind to waste. I find it strange- how different i've changed, memories of how i once was is still so far away.

Come to find, loving you- means losing my self,
Come to find having someone, means the most,
I wouldn't ask to go back now, since i've known where i've been.
I wouldn't ask you to change your self, because of my own problems.

I am sometimes confused of how i stay at home, and feel lonely-
although when you get off work, your right there to hold me.
I know when your in my arms, I wouldn't change anything-
but when your gone, only for a few hours, i feel so lost and alone.

I am dependent upon you, to make all my future dreams and wishes come true.
I am yet to trust, but quick to judge you. I dont think you know, what you really do..
I am afraid to love, i'm afraid to giving my self, completly up.
I struggle daily, for now, I will close my eyes, and forget about it for another five years.. so i don't have to think about my tears.