Sometimes the water warm and sweet
feels like a watery grave
It’s haunting lure
caressing me
and I it’s willing slave
My tears they swirl some indigo
through sapphire brooks and pools
as we tempt men
beyond the veil
to drown in liquid jewels
I see him there upon the shore
a mortal with and angels face
his brow is arched
his lips a bow
my fingers long to trace
Curls gather close upon his neck
and fire lights his eyes
His beauty
one to lure the stars
down from the envious skies
I feel a flame twist through my gut
and know that I must own
his essence
and I will myself
to turn to flesh and bone
Up from the watery depths I rise
reaching for my fate
and I wonder
as I’m drawn near
who’s the hunted; who’s the bait?
I kiss him with my thirsty lips
as he falls and drowns in me
I exhale
giving him my breath
and we taste eternity
Oh glorious exaltation
in this love that I have found
we merge
and vaporize
dripping puddles on the ground
Look for me no longer
in the depths where I was blue
For you will find me
high above
sparkling in the dew
Author notes
"A Naiad" or "Hylas With a Nymph" by John William Waterhouse, 1893
Oil on Canvas
Didn't plan to rhyme. I've also been up all night and maybe shouldn't post this until I've had a chance to read it when I'm well rested. But I don't see that being anytime soon. LOL Lei me know if this sucks.
In a list
A contest entry
- Sensuality (Painting Inspired) by Auburn Sunrise.
3000 points, ended April 1, 27 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
-
You build a nice story aound the painting...
... but the last lines are fresh pure and effective; as the poem ends.
Yes improvements can be done but i still have to see a poem without fault.
Somewhere at some point everyone makes a mistake; to learn later the lines were truly marvelous from another readers point of view.
Congrats as you take and image the painting to weave a fine story.
-
Good luck, well done poem
I love the story line and how well you wove it from one stanza to the next. I also enjoyed the imagrey.
-
You know, some people just naturally rhyme - and are wonderfully gifted at it! You are one of those people apparently, because your rhyme was so well done I hardly noticed it and it just carried the poem along in a better rhythm.
Excellent poem. I love the imagery, the style, and the exquisite ending.
Thanks for this awesome entry!
-
This is gorgoeous, you've managed to put an entire story behind one picture. I absolutely loved this! I have no suggestions except in the third stanze, second line, it should be angel's not angels. Also you might want to watch out because sometimes the rhythm falls out of place and becomes longer than it usually is. Otherwise beautiful!
Adding your comment:
