The technoshaman
is almost deals
fiddles with the dials
makes his bed.
Piles up fire
by the airlock door
and checks for jenny's head
upon the emerald floor.
he floats down
to the boiler room
past galley and the broom
grooms the disco jetty's
sitting loom
the one that looks like Harvey Loon
and splinters on the sply.
Not Mad.
the peckered pup,
dragging it along,
down to Jenny's den
just below the boiler room.
A hapless groom, no doubt
this gray and bearded lout
clanking with his silver tool
down to Jenny's room.
Jennys on the feathered deck,
playing with her toys.
the long ones for her brother's
favored wench
and the the pink one's to be welded
to the bench.
Knives and forks
are scattered on the floor
but she doesn't play with those
or the broken teacups
that came from china on the boat.
Strange. I mean,
how the meteors
strike the hull
and make the whole thing ring
like a bell
sitting in a deep well.
Shoot.
I've lost the plastic goop;
maybe it will be on TV.
Author notes
Surfing with the Alien
Written February 28th, 2004
In a list
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Comments
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Ah...I recall this. I think it was the first of yours I'd ever read. Lisa pointed it to me, of course - back then in the dark ages, when space ships were rare and mostly black&white.
What strikes me now (as I've learned a bit in the interval) is the word play, the steady tumble of sound as the verse cascades in free fall. This is madness of a sort, but the type that is quite glorious to behold.
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nice nice
i wasnt expecting this at all. i love how the thoughts just jump around in this piece. its kind of like a conversation with a stream of consciouness plotline. great work. thanks for entering and best of luck -
very interesting write, especially the last stanza
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This is a great entry... too bad you have changed your mind about being a staff member in the contest. Please feel free to reenter if circumstances alter.
Oh, and if you do enter the Raven, best wishes. -
Very intriguing. This poem did make me think, so I'm glad you entered.
The technoshaman
is almost deals
fiddles with the dials
makes his bed.
Piles up fire
by the airlock door
and checks for jenny's head
upon the emerald floor.
Great write.
Good luck in the contest.
xAx -
I was too damn wrung out last night when I clicked on this the feature box ..
Majestic. Really.
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This remind me of a sea shanty about whip tail jenny (I don't know what that means either)It is like reading John Masefield with seasickness of Alice.
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Lute has lost his marbles
or have I? hmmm i have visions of long john silver floating around a space ship? Did you have mushrooms for tea? where did you pick them? 
Hope i don't get a ticket on this bus!
Barb
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Nice, and hard job
Interesting and different poem, but with a great intention to explain some other picture in the life. I like the following verses very much:
***
Knives and forks
are scattered on the floor
but she doesn't play with those
or the broken teacups
that came from china on the boat.
***
It sounds like it has to be funny, but, anyhow, it has much deeper fellings.
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Okay fine...I've got to ask. Is the second line correct? If so, what the hell does it mean?
I only ask to understand Master. -
I have no idea where you're going, where you've come from or what Jenny is doing -- but by god, this is straight from the pages of "Altered Realities - the Director's Cut".
Plus you have TechnoShamans. Always a plus in my book.
Weird, altered and tweaked reality dances across the page and I can almost see the doorway to home.
Nice write. I shall applaud thee. -
an odd dream.... yet lucid. I must come back and read again, the meaning escapes me today.... or maybe there is no meaning..... just snippets of thoughts..... even so, I'll return.....
Enjoyed this poet
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very funny loved the last stanza (cos that was the end of the poem)...nah only joking i think its brilliant and funny
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delightful! I love how you play with words and rhymes, stir them all together in a big bowl of imagery, and toss out a poem that tastes so good. this could be a scene out of a sci-fi movie or a dream induced by taking pills after eating lasagna and lying down for a nap. either way, I like its creative juices. lute does us a good one here.
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Truths needing to be said, ears to recieve, and a mind to replay.
To cling like napalm on the coiled- serpent wisdom of a generation.
And what Desiree said
jenna
Edited on Feb 28, 5:15 p.m. because ''. -
The only Harvey Loon I know is a male stripper town at Teasers just down the block from Santino's dry cleaners. I don't think he frequents the dry cleaners but I heard once he bedded the Sortino's youngest daughter, the middle one too. Anyway.....I didn't understand too much of this till the last stanza which is top notch.
Oh and 4th stanza, 3rd line....brother's I think should be brudder's
Desiree
Edited on Feb 28, 10:01 p.m. because ''. -
Such a window into the future. Thanks for the dizzy ride on your techno perfect space ship. I love this!
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Well, L-Man...i feel like i just read a drug-induced Dr. Seuss...
not a clue what's going on here...lol...not a clue
but you definitely have some vivid, wild images here...and one cannot help but be sucked in by that
UB
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Absolutely Superb
Really awesome write. This is exactly the type of rhythem I look for in a poem, like this one, it interests me. There are parts that make it sound as if you tried to make it rhyme intentionally, but I can overlook that, because it's so well-written on the subject. I love how the reader doesn't exactly know what this poem is about, which leaves it up to the imagination, and I love how you write about such odd things one would never think to write about. I'm sure this poem has somewhat of a meaning, though I can't quite grasp it. I love it non the less. It's simply beautiful and talented. Great work, keep it up!!!!!!!!! -
hmmmmmmmmm.
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