Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

jisei 4


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 daylight fading

I no longer see

oh! – now I do

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In a list

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 40 of 40
  • Purrsanthema
    June 14

    Edit | Reply
    As for all the lengthy technicalities on the most delicate, briefest and most succinct of forms, you would know that, wouldn't you? Ya should have won platinum!


  • Dark Otter
    May 12

    Edit | Reply

    Had to check!

    to see why maa gave you the gold. Well done, woman, this is a great self realization at the moment of death. Interesting use of the form that proves once again your metaphysical prowess.


  • Emerald Lass
    April 3

    Edit | Reply

    Hoodwink!

    Made me smile, you did. What an adorable write... so fun to come to visit and see what you can do.


    • Mairi bheag gold member
      April 3
      Edit | Reply
      Gosh - I am still getting hoodwinked left-right-and-centre!

      Thank you.


  • Lady Altheia
    April 2

    Edit | Reply

    Hoodwinked

    Congrats on your goldn trophy. You poem is short but leaves so many meanings. Best of luck to you in your future writes.


  • BonnieQ silver member
    April 1

    Edit | Reply

    HOODWINKED!

    I readily understand why this garnered the GOLD: truly deserving. It is excellent and so well portrays how our eyes adjust to less light. Well done, poetess!

    Luv & hugs, BonnieQ


  • cricketjeff gold member
    March 24
    Edit | Reply
    The right poem won the shiny


  • Dalaney gold member
    March 23

    Edit | Reply
    lol...i love the "Oh!" I could just imagine your eyebrows shooting upward well done. Lane xx

    • Mairi bheag gold member
      March 24
      Edit | Reply
      Now I'm going to get all technical on your ass... the "oh!" is actually a kireji (a "cutting word"), which is a device used in Japanese haiku but seldom in English haiku. I explain the device here: http://allpoetry.com/column/show/2345931 . It either works or it doesn't.


  • Mirthryl
    March 19
    Edit | Reply
    What a breath-taking "Oh!"


    • Mairi bheag gold member
      March 20
      Edit | Reply
      I felt that a moment of enlightenment needed a very definite kireji.


  • DogFish silver member
    March 19
    Edit | Reply

    Katsu!




    night is an illusion
    sunlight baths the moon



  • maa gold member
    March 18

    Edit | Reply
    absolutely marvellous, exactly the sort of entry I was hoping for in this contest - maybe even better, because it exceeds my expectations ...
    the multiple dimensions inherent in this verse strike many sensitive chords and have transformational power ... at least this is my resonant response to it ...

    thank you for this masterpiece,
    maa

  • Ditto!!

    What they all said
    plus my own clappies
    Kissing your hand


  • Floorboards
    March 17
    Edit | Reply
    Ah, nice one, really well done.
    Thought provoking.

    Alex.


  • hawkeslake gold member
    March 17
    Edit | Reply
    Marvelous! However did you think to capture that moment between daylight and night vision?

    • Mairi bheag gold member
      March 17
      Edit | Reply
      I guess I ought to write a column about why I write so many jisei, seeing as they are poems written in the immediacy of death. I guess the answer lies in having a depressive illness, and thus feeling close to death for long periods. In jisei one does not mention death, but rather alludes to it or expresses it in metaphor. In this particular poem, which was written for the contest on the subject of consciousness, I am trying to use the close of day as a metaphor for an ending life, and then bringing in the idea that this close heralds a sudden moment of satori - metaphysical enlightenment.

      • hawkeslake gold member
        March 17

        Edit | Reply
        Yes, I did pick up from your comments to others about the allusion to death. This form seems particularly designed to focus the mind on big questions or idea, and death would be one of the biggest, I guess. I think I meant night vision as a metaphor for all the ways we need to perceive without light, including simply, the way our eyes are designed to focus differently in the dark -- picking out mostly black and white images, without color. I wonder if death is a opening to another way of seeing, in some other sense, where color means something outside of eyesight?? Your poem seems to suggest that. Oh, and by the way, any column by you is worth reading.

  • lovely

    my second haiku of the day

    • Mairi bheag gold member
      March 17
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you. It is specifically a jisei in 4-5-4 haiku form (I tend to write 4-5-4 rather than 5-7-5 for various reasons). Glad you like it.


  • Amera gold member
    March 16

    Edit | Reply
    It helps to remove your sunglasses as the day light fades. hehe... good take on the prompt!

    Love,
    Amera♥


  • MJ Donnelly gold member
    March 16
    Edit | Reply
    Brilliantly penned dear
    all the best in the contest
    your adoring fan

    mj

  • Clever, and sooooo cool!


  • cricketjeff gold member
    March 16
    Edit | Reply
    "Switched on" poetry

  • lightwing
    March 16
    Edit | Reply
    Such a clever piece, it's amazing how much can be said with so few words. I loved the last line.

    • Mairi bheag gold member
      March 16
      Edit | Reply
      The jisei is essentially a poem written in anticipation of imminent death. I have written a few, which probably says a lot about me!

      On this occasion, I have used it as a vehicle to express the feeling that enlightenment comes without warning, and is not dependent on physical light.


  • Cannonsfire
    March 16

    Edit | Reply
    Yes I can see it clearly too C


  • notorious
    March 16
    Edit | Reply
    LOVE the font (and the poem)

1 - 40 of 40