daylight fading
I no longer see
oh! – now I do
In a list
A contest entry
- Short Poems On Consciousness by maa.
777 points, ended March 24, 22 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 40 of 40
-
As for all the lengthy technicalities on the most delicate, briefest and most succinct of forms, you would know that, wouldn't you? Ya should have won platinum!
-
Had to check!
to see why maa gave you the gold. Well done, woman, this is a great self realization at the moment of death. Interesting use of the form that proves once again your metaphysical prowess.
-
Hoodwink!
Made me smile, you did. What an adorable write... so fun to come to visit and see what you can do.
-
-
Gosh - I am still getting hoodwinked left-right-and-centre!
Thank you.
-
-
Hoodwinked
Congrats on your goldn trophy. You poem is short but leaves so many meanings. Best of luck to you in your future writes.
-
HOODWINKED!
I readily understand why this garnered the GOLD: truly deserving. It is excellent and so well portrays how our eyes adjust to less light. Well done, poetess!
Luv & hugs, BonnieQ
-
The right poem won the shiny
-
-
You could say that!
-
-
I did
-
-
-
lol...i love the "Oh!" I could just imagine your eyebrows shooting upward
well done. Lane xx
-
-
Now I'm going to get all technical on your ass... the "oh!" is actually a kireji (a "cutting word"), which is a device used in Japanese haiku but seldom in English haiku. I explain the device here: http://allpoetry.com/column/show/2345931 . It either works or it doesn't.
-
-
What a breath-taking "Oh!"
-
-
I felt that a moment of enlightenment needed a very definite kireji.
-
-
Katsu!
night is an illusion
sunlight baths the moon
-
-
True enough.
-
-
absolutely marvellous, exactly the sort of entry I was hoping for in this contest - maybe even better, because it exceeds my expectations ...
the multiple dimensions inherent in this verse strike many sensitive chords and have transformational power ... at least this is my resonant response to it ...
thank you for this masterpiece,
maa
-
Ditto!!
What they all said
plus my own clappies
Kissing your hand
-
-
I'll take the hand-kissing stuff as a compliment, then.
-
-
Ah, nice one, really well done.
Thought provoking.
Alex.
-
-
Thank you, Alex.
-
-
Marvelous! However did you think to capture that moment between daylight and night vision?
-
-
I guess I ought to write a column about why I write so many jisei, seeing as they are poems written in the immediacy of death. I guess the answer lies in having a depressive illness, and thus feeling close to death for long periods. In jisei one does not mention death, but rather alludes to it or expresses it in metaphor. In this particular poem, which was written for the contest on the subject of consciousness, I am trying to use the close of day as a metaphor for an ending life, and then bringing in the idea that this close heralds a sudden moment of satori - metaphysical enlightenment.
-
-
Yes, I did pick up from your comments to others about the allusion to death. This form seems particularly designed to focus the mind on big questions or idea, and death would be one of the biggest, I guess. I think I meant night vision as a metaphor for all the ways we need to perceive without light, including simply, the way our eyes are designed to focus differently in the dark -- picking out mostly black and white images, without color. I wonder if death is a opening to another way of seeing, in some other sense, where color means something outside of eyesight?? Your poem seems to suggest that. Oh, and by the way, any column by you is worth reading.
-
-
Oh well, I'll go and Wiki jisei and knock something together.
-
-
-
-
lovely
my second haiku of the day -
-
Thank you. It is specifically a jisei in 4-5-4 haiku form (I tend to write 4-5-4 rather than 5-7-5 for various reasons). Glad you like it.
-
-
It helps to remove your sunglasses as the day light fades. hehe... good take on the prompt!
Love,
Amera♥
-
-
Och away, ye wee barm-pot.
-
-
Brilliantly penned dear
all the best in the contest
your adoring fan
mj
-
-
Thanks, big man.
-
-
Clever, and sooooo cool!
-
-
Well thank you!
-
-
"Switched on" poetry
-
-
click!
-
-
Such a clever piece, it's amazing how much can be said with so few words. I loved the last line.
-
-
The jisei is essentially a poem written in anticipation of imminent death. I have written a few, which probably says a lot about me!
On this occasion, I have used it as a vehicle to express the feeling that enlightenment comes without warning, and is not dependent on physical light.
-
-
Yes I can see it clearly too C
-
-
-
LOVE the font (and the poem)
-
-
Merci.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 40 of 40
