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Facade

Each day, I renew my Facade

I hide my toughts, feelings, and apprehension

I learn to breathe the water in which

I am drowning, To withstand

The pain of the flames engulfing me.

I changed my look to seem happy:

Shorter hair, Collared shirts, Skinny jeans.

And a smile plastered upon my face.

He didn't know my thoughts and wishes...

No one did.

 

Until tonight.

 

Tonight I droped it all.

Brick by brick, I removed my wall,

And together we used them to

Recreate the bridge of our friendship.

 A rumor broke it down,

And our love was gone before.

But now? I no longer need my daily Facade.

I live each day, and sleep each night

Knowing that you don't hate me.

 

I never knew it would feel so god,

Finally being me...

But it does...

And I love it...

 

 

Thank you.

Author notes

3-14-09

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Night Terrors
    May 11
    Edit | Reply
    we have spell check on ap for a good reason hun. I think you really need it. Thanks for entering


  • bridgetjanejone
    May 2

    Edit | Reply
    Eek. The spelling and grammar are not good. You MUST use spellcheck if spelling ain't your thing. Too much punctuation and capital letters. And there are way too many "I"s. Very common problem when writing in the first person. You don't need them. And the final thank you is, well, odd. But, you know, I like the bones of this. I suggest you keep this as a poem in progress. Can I make some suggestions? And remember, less is sooo more in poetry terms. You have to remove 'padding' words or you will lose the reader's interest. It needs work because towards the end you obviously know what happened but I haven't got a clue what's going on! And you much search for more interesting words. hope you like the suggestions.


    Each day I renew my facade
    Hide my thoughts feelings and apprehension
    Learn to breathe the water in which
    I am drowning

    I changed my look to seem happy
    Shorter hair, collared shirts, skinny jeans
    a smile pinned to my face

    He didn't know my thoughts and wishes

    No one did

    Until tonight


    Tonight

    I dropped them
    Brick by brick I removed my wall
    and together we used them
    to rebuild the bridge of our friendship

    A rumor broke it down

    Now I no longer need my daily facade
    I live each day
    sleep each night
    Knowing that you don't hate me

    I never knew it would feel so good,
    to be me
    but it does

    Maybe

  • J Macabre gold member
    April 29

    Edit | Reply
    People shouldn't have to live from behind a mask. Its awful society forces us to do that. And it is a wonderful feeling when you can be yourself again.


  • karas
    March 15
    Edit | Reply

    not good, just, GREAT.

    I don't think you should change any of it. it is quite superb.

1 - 5 of 5