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suffocation;

pretty picture with words
we were really good you know,
makes me sad i'm such a failure today
i think there are too many restrictions with who i am
i'm going to be poor by April First
but i could be dead before then

killing yourself is a selfish thing
and you always regret it while you're dying
and you always regret it while  you're dying

i can't dress normal if i don't feel normal
i don't feel anything close to normal

i would die but you know
those funerals of people who even dyed in their twenties
all the pictures are like
young nice looking guy
and then
little kid
you know its such a stunted life at that funeral

dying at fifteen would be ridiculous
all the thousands of things you would miss out on

being a christian is all about exactly what they want you to be
and what you're supposed to do

i want to be happy
this is suffocating
not even christianity
the sadness inside me
is suffocating

i feel like
i should be ashamed of what i've become right now
like if i really told you who i was now
you would say, way to fail

my outward appearance is hopeless right now
getting out of this country is supposed to make me happy
it makes me happy only to get out of this country
not because of where i'm going
or who i'm going with
or anything like that,

my mind is speaking a thousand words a second
and all is negative and sad
i want to kill myself for strange reasons

and you know once they told us the devil wins if you kill yourself
and before you do it you say no
i have to live for God
and thats all reason enough to stay alive,

more restrictions,

Author notes

i'm always just so dark

don't leave any stupid comments,

tell me what you think

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Comments


  • grace elizabeth
    April 20

    Edit | Reply
    this one made me really sad,
    its really real& honest like erin always is
    it seems kind of young
    like i dunno
    makes me think youth
    its a good thing i think


  • QNUxJon
    March 20
    Edit | Reply
    I love this, when i became an atheist when I was younger though I stopped asking myself why not just die and why live, which seems like a small difference but the answer to why live is even more depressing then why not die, the only thing that keeps me alive is the answer to why live which is "what else is there?"


    • eronrox
      March 21
      Edit | Reply
      Yeah christian bs is getting really annoying living is obnoxious with it so I'm like in between killing yourself is a selfish thing and anyone would have to be pretty angry/sad/uncaring to do it


  • Iris Doyle
    March 15

    Edit | Reply
    "don't leave any stupid comments,"
    too late. just did.
    i feel the exact. same. way.
    cant i just leave this world? i said earlier.
    then i thought.
    oh yeah. harvest would kill me first.
    & then i thought.
    maybe if i begged God.
    he'd do it for me.
    & then i wont have failed.
    but he didnt do it.
    & that made me angry.
    i just wish my life would end.
    because maybe then the people i love
    will realize that they miss me
    & then i'll see who really cries.
    but as for right now.
    im stuck in this drowning sadness.
    with nothing but silence
    to defend me from anything i can say.