Standing at a funeral
He's taken his own life
People pack the room
Tears flow, people hug
Questions are asked
And I ask
If it were me
Would the room be empty?
Waking in the morning
Getting out of bed
Making breakfast
Packing lunches
Dressing children
And I ask
If I were to go
Would their worlds fall apart?
If I just vanished
Would the world be different
How long would it be
Before the friends that don't ring
Noticed I was gone
How long before someone asked me
Instead of me asking them
Are you alright?
I am worried about you?
Do you need anything?
No answers
just questions
And I wonder if tommorrow
I should just stay in bed.
In a list
Comments
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When life is flowing smoothly, or at least moving along, we tend to think it is the same for those we know. The things we don't say become sorrowful regrets when something bad happens, and it is too late to say, "I love you, or what is on your heart, Dear One....is there something you need?"
Self has such limited vision. I so like the punch in the poem, because it illustrates that blindness we all to often indulge.
Big Hugs to you, Dear Bec. Your children would miss you, indeed, their lives never the same again. Friends, too, would be stunned, because you are a strong one who doesn't waver in your affections.
And me?... Well, What have I to give for the treasures of your heart? Will my old heart be a good recepticle for your hopes and tears and joys and fears. It is open, and I love you.
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Thank you Karen, your response touched my heart, especially tonight when I am starting to think that all the new exciting things in my life aren't quite as exciting as I hoped. There is such a deep sadness and grief that things didn't turn out as they should have, that God wanted so much more for me, but others let him down and maybe I did too, could I have fought harder, could I have hung in longer, but deep down I know that I fought as hard as I could and hung in as long as I could. And here I am happy that the past pain in over but desolate and losing hope for the future, again starting to look forward to the days being over and longing for nothingness.
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There is joy in simple everyday things, when we step outside of ourselves and touch the hearts around us in very small ways. It doesn't have to be dramatic. How easy it is to fall into the mesmerism of thinking that says we don't have anything to give. It simply is not true, and the more we find to be thankful for the more blessings fall into place, because consciousness become more aware of the good.
I used to get mad at my mom for telling me that, because I was tired and lonely, but she was right, and the words come back to me often now that I am the "old one" in the family. I'm still learning it...this vigil we choose. And you, darling girl, have so much of life yet to live. May each day bring a smile to your heart as you come to know each day's gifts.
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