Window of opportunity brought you to me
and I opened my heart to your running sea,
your river of blood tears
In the city of lights, you sought the apple free,
so caught the bug of fame,
bathing in all the sickness and pain
Fire!
Fire on your soul!
Fire!
Fire over mountains cold!
Greed!
it is the desire of old,
bleeding my heart twofold,
and all the people were laughing at me,
running around spreading rumours free,
for they understood my life was doomed,
stuck in a hole with you entombed
Nobody cared to tear me away from you,
just left me to suffer in a hell accrued
and suffering in silence all on my own
Languishing in paranoia so duly bemoaned
Oh how they laughed at me,
all their wickedness told of my spree,
for I let them lead me to the apple free
and so I fed from the apple to torment thee
Gave my soul to appease the serpents lust,
thus it was written just
Fire!
Fire on your soul!
Fire!
Fire over rugged mountains cold
and so the greed was forever told
In books sold through the ages, such people saw
and all the people understood my flaws,
for they all followed me to the apple tree,
thus ate the seed of the serpent free
Throughout history you tortured there
and put out to dry the fruit bared
Cathedrals taught the sins I fully did,
scoundrels of greed some wished to rid
and they saw much troubling shit in me,
although some still thought I should see
Thus I reach for the fruit to appease thee
All because one had no credence
No believe unto themselves, just my freedoms dance
For I was this one they thought should set them free,
make their lives rich through the devils kiss
and give unto their lives all of what hell consists
Though it was said that I should resist,
like I could even give a shit
Seven trips to the crapper,
seven deadly joints for the rapper
and heaven is going crazy in my head
Such passion in music is there bled
and all the people are still laughing at me,
engrossed in my harrowing pain free
Throughout history, I took you to the river tame,
gave you such fame to forsake the pain
You came to me bleeding,
you came to me bloody pleading
and I welcomed you into my house unforeseen,
never thought you for somebody so mean,
at least till you offered me the apple free,
my destruction as it exceedingly would be
Oh master of pain, creator of the tormenting rain,
take it from me this Excalibur of bane
and send oh crafter of misery into hells inferno
Burn the bitch alive down below,
the bitch that you offered unconcerned
Send her back into the fires of hell,
thus she burn there for all of eternities woes
and you, converter of the atheist on speed,
you who should antagonize, kill the ashen free,
Take your filth from my beautiful house,
thus deceiver of wisdom, give thyself to bleed
Fire to tempt down below
Fire on your callousing soul
Fire for the master to behold
Fire over tall mountains cold
such sinful and reveling greed
such evil, mother of earth should concede
such bloody creeds, tormenting the needy
Burn bitch burn!
thus I should there knowingly spurn
Author notes
He who should taste the fruit free, beware the consequence of such an action, for nothing is truly free. ( Lets see who can interpret this piece of nonsense )
In a list
A contest entry
- Temptation, with prompting. by BeachBum1.
1200 points, ended July 8, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites again :] 3 chances to win :] by Ami.
575 points, ended September 6, 62 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Any thoughts I'll much appreciate
Comments
1 - 38 of 38
-
This is an awesome write
first of I love the title 
And the write it self the subject and how you wrote it is amazing
Thank you so much for entering my contest Good Luck
-♥Amy♥ -
interesting take
I wasn't expecting such a literal take on temptation but it has left me feeling challenged by this thought of 'nothing comes for free?' What about people who have affairs and get away with them>? Is guilt their price? Also rules are there to be broken. Why is it the more we are told we can't have something the more we want it. Loved it thanks for entering good luck
-
for they understood my life was doomed
stuck in a hole with you entombed .
I ran out of breath here^^.
Religion and all its politics are always going to be a hard subject to revolt against as many followers are so devout their eyes are permanently shaded.
Perhaps if you used a little punctuation those who would believe in what you say may find the messages buried within this rambling effigy.
Remember also there are many varieties of the bible translation some more easily understood than your own 
-
Hellfire and damnation;
Always a touchy subject. You've got the balls to show the subject who's boss, though. Intense and raw.
Beat of luck and thanks for entering! -
it was great!! i loved it!
-
i liked it
though it was a little confusing in some parts and a little long. but i really enjoyed
your a great poet -
Certainly you have expressed much and many emotions within this write. I found the rhymes very refreshing as not very many poets use rhymes on a consistent basis. The subject is obvious...and the anger glows.
The repitition of the word BURN...drives the theme home quite well.
Thanks for sharing this, I enjoyed it a lot.
Az
-
wow the title is great and so is the poem. i love the imagre you make with your words a very good write.
-
i loved it
liked the title 2
lol -
It is very long but it was well worth it. I nejoyed reading this I liked the repetition of the "fire lines"
-
I like it. I find it a little long, but it is well written and well spoken, so it compensates. Nicely done. Keep writing!
-
So much power in this piece
everything comes with a price thats true
weather it be our hearts, minds or souls, or monetary
I could feel the emotion flowing through this piece.
Thank you for sharing
I loved it.
\keep the ink flowing
fire -
its not bad??
i loved it. i thought it was stunningly done. The beginning..I felt didn't have as much..passion? as the middle and end. Maybe just me. But nonetheless, I enjoyed the entire thing start to finish. Great job.
gypsy
-
ok
It's not bad. -
Nice rhymes here. The flow hiked up in a few places. I was actually quite eager to read this one at first. I thought it would go somewhere else, but it didn't. That's alright though. It was still a very good write. I enjoyed it. Excellent write and good luck in my contest.
-
I don't know if i could interprett, it , but i love the power of it, it sort of thunders like the mighty wrath, almost hits out at all the hypocrites in life who claim to be good and holy then laugh at you as you bleed in the gutter, it has the anger of one betrayed by their faith in some one or something good. Whatever its intent, its impact is ground shaking, a really really, possibly my new favourite write
-
Strong well written poem a bit confusing to me as I am a poor reader. Best of luck to you, Boog
-
Interesting poem
Much todo and thought provoking statements. Good luck in the contest.
Jim
-
I'm in the same line of thought as Peri.
Your play on words with respect to the "apple free"
Free I believe is short for "free will" and although free will gives us the freedom of choice...
More often than not we're not willing to pay the consequences of the choices we make in life.
We find ourselves moving in one of two directions.
#1 Towards pleasure!
#2 Or away from pain
The problem with that is....
The pleasure becomes ever so fleeting
And the pain catches up with us
And then we get angry with God for allowing us to have made such bad decisions.
Free Will Comes With A Price!!!
Ok Let me get off my soap box Hehehe
Your poem, although it was cryptic, maintained a good rhythm, rhyme and flow to it. An enjoyable puzzle to read.
-
A very interesting poem. Your emotions come through quite well. Best of luck to you in the contest.
-
Forgot something...
-
It was long, but it kept my interest. Could be lyrics to a song. Very well crafted. Best to you in the contest.
Sam
-
This is a strong poem, full of emotion and passion. Your rhyming is very good and the theme flows throughout the work. Your word choice is good and the message sent is strong and emotional.
-
A very strong piece. well written and truly magnificent. nicely penend.
-
Wow. This is a commanding piece and presents even more impact when read aloud, honing the tempo to meet the rhyme. An impressive work with words.
It sounds - intense - touches on original sin, addiction, mental illness, lost love, and
self self self self.
I enjoyed this very much. ~Pamela
-
I'm not sure why I clicked, or what I want to say.
You could probably lose the middle part of the poem - like lines 11 to 69 - and still not approach the mystery of love.
-
someone exposed in some sort of relationships
and everyone laughed
saw he weakness and found humanity
wants a savior
hopes he will carry their stones
-
Very well done! You are going to take some heat for this one, you naughty thing. This is as mad as Genesis can get.
-
Excellent
I really liked it. It was interesting, and it didn't lose my attention, and I like how you made the theme and all, just really caught my eye. Great work. ^_^
-
This was an amazing poem. The saying is true-
take nothing for free or in vain, it shall come back and haunt you.
I just love the way you brought ancient biblical scriptures into this piece- thus making your point even stronger.
Ah, Eve did make women look like evil vixens.
Well done on the amazing imagery you used.
This was truly an insightful write. -
The poem seems a long rambling commentary from the point of view of Adam and Adam's sons on the curse represented by Eve and her daughters to the race of men.
Adam in the Garden, busted for eating the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, whined, "The woman You put at my side - she gave me of the tree, and I ate." Even so the poet seems to say none of the ills which have accrued to myself or to the world through my actions is my fault. It's all on the woman, the serpentine Devil and ultimately God. I and all the men of humankind are simply victims. Most of all, though, womankind is blamed for none of this would have happened had she not been introduced into the mix.
Like many of us, this son of Adam wants his apple and to eat it, too.
Eve rolls her eyes, the Devil snickers and God shakes his head.
-
Well blow me down with a feather, this worked exceptionally well - dark passion was there all right! Nice story, great rhymes. I loved every word here.
-
not i
well written though
ty for sharing
fire
-
this is a crazy piece!
i loved it.... very dark and heartfealt....
i love the little statement written in your author's notes.
great write.... thank you so much for sharing
your Faerie
-
Hmmm, sounds like you need new friends.
I didn't make any sense out of it neither, and the only thing I could say for sure was that you didn't like her at all.
I did like the read though. It was entertaining, made me laugh a couple of times, that's a good thing.
Good luck with your contest, thanks for the read,
Love,
jin
-
wow.... enjoyed the piece! Love the last line....
becca
-
Well rhymed. Great imagery. I enjoyed this poem.
Mike
-
( Lets see who can interpret this piece of nonsense )
Sadly not this reader
Though i have to say I do not understand the Jabberwocky but this does not stop me from enjoying the poem's rhyme
The same can be said of this piece
I have read it twice and still cant make sense of it but find it fascinating just the same
Good luck in the contest
Adding your comment:
1 - 38 of 38
