Same stretch of road,
repeated over and over
as if a child made it
with the scale-ectrix santa bestowed upon him.
As the velocity gathers, vision blurs
and the once comforting surroundings
fade to cold, spectral hazes
of all different blueish hues:
ice makes depression shiver and
ease its way to the spine.
Pressured descisions
chop your altitude like drywood -
the trees,
the trees seem to grow like
that beanstalk from the story,
but they're dead as well. They can't grow
anymore.
Circles will see you crashing,
crashing,
crashing.
Circles will dump you in the winter abyss -
a one-way ticket to a gloomy Sunday.
Author notes
On the road ... by ~julie-rc
A contest entry
- ~PIC PROMPT SEMI - QUICKIE~ by Girl-Interrupted.
900 points, ended March 16, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Got an HM You Think Deserves Better? by Paloszoo.
900 points, ended April 9, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
Hi. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck! I’ve decided to use a slightly edited version of my friend Arkbear’s grading scoreboard to help me judge this contest. I hope he doesn’t mind. It’ll aid me in organizing my thoughts and judging fairly versus randomly. I hope you enjoy it and find it helpful. Writers with the highest possible points out of 80 will obviously win
Title Appeal: 8.95 – Not a fan of Helter Skelter, and I think this intense poem deserves a more intense title, which will draw the reader in.
Poem Flow: 9.1 - I enjoyed. It was different from the norm. That 4th line was a little long, and I had to read “scale-ectrix” a dozen times, and still don’t get it. I also don’t understand the reference to the circles, so I’m tripped up there.
Depth: 9.75 – Despite not understanding it fully, the depth was great. It had quite an impact with its choice words.
Emotional Impact: 9.25 – Hard to get emotional over something I don’t fully understand, though I can’t say it didn’t touch me in some way, so nice going there!
Spelling and Grammar: 9.5 – Only one spelling error: descisions should be decisions. Grammar was spot on.
Punctuation and Caps: 8.95 – You’re missing a ton of punctuation, and depending on what you put where, you may be missing caps. Hard to tell.
Presentation: 9.5 – Very cool format, which I enjoyed. Broken up nicely,
Personal Appeal: 9.5 – I like dark, but this only bordered dark. It was a nice write!
My score: 74.5/80.0
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Love the form and imagery.... Excellent pen...
Thanks for entering, best of luck...!
becca
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