Tripping through a paper square -
- ing up to my obsession.
My paint and brush will take you there.
They all think that I do not care
enough to make this confession
Tripping through a paper square.
My mind is ocean, my heart a tear -
- ing fissure to a Neo-dimension
My paint and brush will take you there.
My love is not a thing you can wear
Out of secular desperation
Tripping through a paper square.
I ride life at the edge to be more aware
Of those that choose meditation...
My paint and brush will take you there.
We were not meant to be & never a pair
You kept me like a boxed possession
Tripping through a paper square
My paint and brush will take you there.
Author notes
Written February 27th, 2004
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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an individual verse a paper square
this piece was unique, you have mastered your own form / style that suits you. A truly great write to read
.. the picture matches the literature nicely
Edited on Dec 22, 3:37 p.m. because 'eer spelling'. -
like the picture in this one, you are a wonderful teacher you know
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yeah...missed this one it's so good. but i'm looking for my song...
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Excellent form, excellent use of repitition, great poem.
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i don't know...this is moving to near top status...in my Vilanelle Vault of Horus8...
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Fantastic
This is truly beautiful, the title made me think about the song Tripping through a hole ina paper Heart, but this is much better. I like the play on words, it was smooth without sounding repetitive and made a whole lot of sense. A difficult effect to get across, but you do it with alomb.
My mind is ocean, my heart a tear -
- ing fissure to a Neo-dimension
My paint and brush will take you there. -
I like the repetition ..very lyrical .. one thing I did notice .. you did the word play [. . .] ing in the first stanzas..and the last with the catch phrase didn't continue it ..sort of broke up the consistency for me ..I was waiting for it, and it wasn't there..but maybe that was the intention ..well written regardless.
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definately a different approach to the meaning of the poem. To look at the picture as a piece of artwork instead of a reality based inspiration for a poem. And the paintbrush I took as your pen...describing every movement of paint in the picture. Well done.
Thanks for entering
~~Jenn -
great stuff!
Really good piece. I have seen this form often, some really good- some really not so good. This definitely falls into the former category. "I ride life at the edge to be more aware" says it all! great line, great poem!
Take Care-TGR (Theresa) -
Great vilanelle sweets
Good luck in the contest
I entered too lol
So may we both have good luck in this one
Love and hugs
Susan~~~~
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Maybe if you cut off your dick and feed it to Uranus the world will wake up to your hurt inside and understand cutting is a disease that runs deep like a fisting faggot streaking through your backdoor. By the way Nice Asshat.
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Is that supposed to be witty, and retorical, because if so, you should try again.
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this gives me a non-sober feeling, and when your -ings popped to the next line, it felt like hiccups... im not sure why.
it did make me sigh though...
Where did you want those whiplashes?
Nyx... -
If a turtle can, so can I.
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I love the style of the Vilanelle! You make it look so easy. It flows beautifully with a nice crunch at the end. It makes me want to start back at the beginning and just keep reading it over and over. Like rolling over in the waves trying to catch my breath as "(your) my paint and brush will take (me)you there."
Perhaps you do have a soft side..
Best of luck in the contest.
*stomps
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Oh William, I love when you site your constitutional amendments. It turns my Peter pouch into a blooming pit of romance. Make love to me in the Gazebo, or forever hold your piece, (I meant peace).
Edited on Feb 28, 8:32 p.m. because ''. -
Glad to be of service.
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What can I say .. fantastic read this was.
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"Tripping through a paper square -
- ing up to my obsession."
What an interesting convention! I looked up what "villanelle" means in my computer dictionary, and this not only has the format of a song but the right flow and color to call for music.
I like the repetition of "My paint and brush will take you there" and "Tripping through a paper square." So expressive. You write about another world that seems so different to mine. I like being a voyeur to it.
Elle
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You are to sweet.
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wow. this makes me thing of nothing but -ing. yeah. lol. it's friday night. what can i say.
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And a lovely vilanelle this is. You've certainly got the form down to a fine science.
Love the line "My paint and brush will take you there" - the metaphor is perfect in so many ways.
Well done (yah...as if you didn't know). Best of luck in the contest.
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