all for adam

dazed by bright lights,
they are stinging me from everywhere,
but there is a thick haze over my thought proccess tonight.
when you lean in for the kiss,
you can smell to chloroform on my breath,
and thus you pull away.

in my nightmarish stupor, I begin to recollect old and foreign memories that I hoped I could forget.
they had been hidden in my brain, waiting until I loosened my grip and let them all out to air.

there was a boy named adam with eyes like satin and a voice like silk.
everytime he said my name, my heart would melt.
he bought me roses on valentine's day, and told me he would never bear losing me.
he ran away with me at two in the morning, and we laughed ourselves to tears until they found us.
I fell asleep on him sometimes, and when I kissed him he tasted like orange gum.
I sang songs in his ear while we were in his father's red truck.

I exhale.
a deep burning sensation grows from within,
itching me to find a place where I belong,
but I will never belong anywhere without him.

my co-dependency is far beyond love,
it's mere comfort.
clutching boys like they know me inside out, and popping pills until my lips are sore from the torture.
I wont let myself get away with this.

Sometimes punishment comes with a bottle of booze and a late night love party on new year's eve,
and sometimes it's ever-sober, bleeding out on my kitchen floor in my sunday's best and a tear stained face.

i've salted my soul and broken my hopes
in an attempt at saving your memories of me,
praying that you wont forget those nights
that I cant stand to remember.

my overdose starts now.

-lacerationxllama