The existence of YOU in ME
An undefined plethora of emotions
Drenching my soul with a feeling of euphoria that deepens
Exfoliating my spirit of the pain that sometimes worsens
The existence of YOU in ME
A spiritless life blessed with perpetual longing
A bliss purely magical and enchanting
The entanglement of two lives, a mystery too complicating
The existence of YOU in ME
It isn't merely an enticement
A blessing from the heavenly abode, lasting a lifetime and not a moment
That's why I can't let it go, I know I haven't
The existence of YOU in ME
'MY BELOVED IS MINE AND I AM HIS' says the BIBLE about our union
A verse not wavering from reality, as Solomon had once spoken
The existence of YOU in me, A LIVING FACT AND DEFINITELY NOT A FICTION
16TH-MAR-2008
© 2006-2009 Rinzu Susan Rajan
Author notes
A Monorhyme is a poem in which all the lines have the same end rhyme.
INSPIRED BY THE VERSE "MY BELOVED IS MINE AND I AM HIS"
SONG OF SOLOMON 2:16
A contest entry
- Never had the chance... by tarnished-angel42.
1750 points, ended March 14, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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Hi. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck! I’ve decided to use a slightly edited version of my friend Arkbear’s grading scoreboard to help me judge this contest. I hope he doesn’t mind. It’ll aid me in organizing my thoughts and judging fairly versus randomly. I hope you enjoy it and find it helpful. Writers with the highest possible points out of 80 will obviously win
Title Appeal: 9.75 – Not a bad title at all. I found it appealing, but I think it gives a little bit too much information about the content of your poem.
Poem Flow: 8 – The lack of punctuation made me read this rather quickly, and the CAPS were very distracting to the entire read. Thoughts didn’t seem connected from one stanza to the next. Many of the lines were way too long and could’ve been carried over to the next line effectively.
Depth: 8.75 – The power and impact just aren’t there. It seems like you’re trying too hard, and in the process your poetic voice is lost.
Emotional Impact: 7.5 – I could’ve done without the yelling in the poem. It’s just not an effective tool to evoke emotion in me. Just my opinion. Maybe it works with other readers.
Spelling and Grammar: 10 – Good job!
Punctuation and Caps: 7 – No punctuation gives your poem less power and impact and makes it more difficult to read. Readers need those breaks and pauses to reflect. Capitalizing each line is unnecessary and should only come after periods and colons.
Presentation: 8 – Stanzas are broken up nicely, but some lines are lonnnng and might serve you better by carrying them over to the next line. Consider dropping the yelling. The poem, IMO, will be just as or more effective.
Personal Appeal: 7.95 – Sorry, this one had some great messages, but those caps just turned me off.
My score: 66.95/80.00
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Thanks...You are the judge here and you have all the rights to kick my poem...I am amazed by the way you judged my poem...
May the best win...
Take care and a giant thanks once again...
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Beautiful
This is a beautiful piece , full of feeling . I love the intwining thoughts you captured .
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