I'd love to receive input about how to communicate a strine style of speak,
though in this case it belongs to colourful Italian café owner. Basically our
hero is confronted with a rather confusing menu board that lists people's names
as a way of describing the fair. He is rather taken by seeing a beverage titled
Cecila; he likes everything about that name and inquires after the drink. The
answer,
"Is-a the soda, with the ice-a cream inside." A hand comes to the side of his
mouth shielding what he's about to say from the kitchen door, "Is-a really a
spider drink. Kids they a-like `em. But Maria she-a got-a the
arachno-gittery-thing." He measures something with his hands before shielding
the kitchen again, "Don't-a like the spider in the shop. Have to call it a
Cecila." Two arms loosely fly in the air, "Doesn't matter, sell-a lots of
Cecila. Glass-a got-a be in the freezer, put-a the ice in first, and-a sugar in
orange juice around the top. Is-a good. We make-a the profit, Maria she-a stay
happy."
I'd be interested firstly whether it's understandable (and entertaining) and
secondly how this kind of thing might be communicated more professionally.
Wattle
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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holy moly how did i miss this, you write so seldom on here...why didn't anyone direct me this way ?
was very understandable and silly/funny, i too would want to ask what it is he measured what was that refering to. if just his hand dynamics then i would maybe change that word "measured"
nice to see something from you
Tasha
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You did a wonderful job with this Hun. It was completely understandable and totally entertaining. I had no problem getting the gist of it being an Italian accent and I loved the "arachno-gittery-thing"... great wording there. It added extra giggles to the piece for me. You are such a wonderful talent that you never need fear being able to pull off something new. Great work all the way!
♥ Touchof1der
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I defidently got that it was an italian accent, but was confused about what exactly was going on. Just because you lost me though, doesnt mean you will lose everyone... after all I'm a blonde. LOL
I have never even attempted writting a play so i cant really tell you how to make it better, but i am really glad to see you wrote something new! You usually write stories, are you branching out a little?
I liked where you said "Is-a good" It catches the accent perfectly and made me smile.
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Hi Wattle! Long-a time no see, ah? Firstly, it's very understandable. Secondly, I don't think you need to change anything to communicate it more professionally. I have seen this kind of thing written without the hyphen you put in, but I don't think there are any rules about what should or shouldn't be used to spell an accent. I wish you'd continue with the story...I love your characters. They are ALWAYS entertaining!
Peace.
Sheryl
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Good job on this..very creative and quite refreshing! THANKS!
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Thank you Mr Patpowersnoshoepoet you are most kind.
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This is so cute, i like the accent you put in. you can keep adding strange drinks to this one i like it a lot
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Thanks Ms Queen, I struggle with this kind of thing (most things). He could go-the diving see big-a thing. Breath in the tank, make-a bubbles; like-a in the bath. ---
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Ah, Mariza cleared up the question, the drink is called Spider drink, ok, I like the idea.
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Communicated more professionally? As in writing? Just go with your sense of writing, you are a talented fiction writer.
I like the accent, it adds a broad humor. I like the idea of the drinks, maybe introducing several names that could be comical. Humor is almost always entertaining, it's the most resilient form of writing on AP I think.
So is cecila made from the spider? Is it spider feces? Or just a name? That you'll make clear in your story of course. I look forward to reading it. Write it!
Wasn't hard for me to follow but I often write in odd dialects for fun.
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Thank you Mr Yemassee. I was thinking Moxie could be coded as Vegemite, wouldn't fool anyone though it sounds like fun. ---- Actually, I was advised not to write this Italian Man 'rubbish' in this form because it's not international enough. I'm lucky enough to be afforded advice by the lovely and talented Anna Jacobs, --- http://www.annajacobs.com ---- Though why she bothers with me I'll never understand. I’m not even a good listener. (She's not been published in the USA (as herself) though in England she lists regularly on the national libraries most borrowed Author list, sharing the honour with the likes of J K Rowling (who has been published in the USA). --- She even appears on Wikipedia (very impressive). ---- Anyway again she has demonstrated why she has been published and read over and over again, and I've been overlooked again and again. (We appear to share a bond with the words 'over' and 'again') ---- I'll return in a few days with the Anna approach to impress myself with her wisdom. ---- You guys are great to this poor old and strange seeking foreigner.
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Very clever to change the name of the drink; helps to keep Maria from yelling and makes the costumers curious about what Cecila is.
This line I didn't quite get: He measures something with his hands before shielding the kitchen again.
What was it that he measured?
Nice to see a new post on your page Eric, it has been a while since the last one
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Thank you for passing by Ms 'wonderful' Gaze. He just talks with his hand. I don't think he measured anything, perhaps he measured a silent pause. He's a hard man to follow. --- Your comments are really helpful. I thank you
Oh, Almost forgot. Cecila is the protagonist in a novel written by some weirdo who doesn't understand his limitations --- http://eahare.com/novels.html
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Well...you know I'm Dutch..I had a hard time reading it Sir W
But there might be more clever persons on here that can help you with Cecila
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Thank you 'my' favourite Wolfe, I hope it's all sunshine and tall tulips over there. --- You gave me exactly the information I'm seeking. Thank you.
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