Demonic Monster

They all think I'm decent,
insightful, compassionate.
Thoughtful, forgiving, happy.


That happiness one sure gets at me,
they believe my cover is the entire book.
They don't see the blood splatters,
the crushed pills I've ingested,
the rivers or tears I have cried.

They don't see,
the constant struggle each day.
The multiple strategies used to fight inner demons.


You think I'm decent...
Well let me educate you for a few minutes,
a couple minutes of your time is all I ask.



I have a twenty-eight year old man that thinks the world of me,
a seven year old boy that believes I'm his rock.
Living with me in a house across the yard from my parents,
who support us more than we support ourselves.
We are in a custody battle for the young boy,
fighting against the drunken destructive mother.
This man that loves me, 
is legally seperated, yet still married on paper.

When the boy is in our care,
I cook meals at routined times.
Meat, vegetable, and starch.
A bed time 8:00-830 pm
homework in between.
Brush your teeth,
I'll read you a book in bed.
Tuck you in, lights out.
"I love you's" shared.

The man is one whom works steadily, four on-four off.
He's struggling to keep sanity with the custody battle, 
yet somehow mananges to keep me moderately happy.
And satisfies my cosntant demands.


Now... the woman, young 18 year old girl,
that is the stepmother as well as girlfriend/common law partner....
She's not the one she wishes to be.

The house is a mess,
dishes stacked on counters and in the sink,
stove top is disgusting,
left over food on plates from two days ago.
Spills on the floor never cleaned,
sticky and gross.

Laundry never regularly done,
clean towels never available for a shower.
Four cats under the age of one,
run the house hold more than me.

I struggle to attend work regularly,
as well as stay awake the entire day.
My eating habits are unstable,
my hygeine seems the only thing common.

Blankets and clothes for curtains,
Sterio speakers used for the T.V,
Febreze to cover the odor of cat shit.

Yet she seems to always have something to complain about,
lack of money,
lack of affection.

She sits on her ass and turns on the T.V and computer,
smokes cigarettes and drinks pop of her choice.


You want to hear her... sins?


She uses the webcam to show herself to others,
in sexual ways more so than common facial features.
She talks to her ex boyfriend,
one whom she claims she still loves.
She smokes marijuana behind her mans back,
he refuses to let her smoke it,
so she shall do so in secret.

She will admit that she does try at times,
but not as hard as she could.
She lacks the motivation and ENERGY to do simple household tasks,
she blames others for her problems.




You still like her?
I sure as hell don't.