Your fingerprints have mapped themselves all over my body
As you've become my obsession, my love
This ol' bed is lonely without you tonight
The clock on my bedstand blinking the dreary time (it's past three, at least)
Marking the marchings-on of Life with you gone
Shadowed memories play brilliantly in my mind
The sheets still smell of you, my sweet
My body still hums a prayer to you
Oh God my prayers
As your kisses are tastes of Heaven
And your touches, oh those blissful moments
Seared onto my flesh, tattoos of stolen love
The memory of that one last day
Inked onto my eyelids like a moving picture
I will cherish it forever, my heart
You're gone now, forever lost to me
A military soul wrapped up in your new career
You sleep with your gun tonight
And I can't sleep alone
Author notes
For the contest "Lots of Options...": This is about the emptiness of being away from someone (you love), and about (not) falling asleep, so I hope it fits your option rules!
Lines: Inked onto my eyelids like a moving picture, Your fingerprints have mapped themselves all over my body
Word bank III
Title: Insomnia
Hopefully the title change doesn't get me DQ'ed!
A contest entry
- Sorry if my eyes don't [sparkle] anymore. --x by Madison Mary.
900 points, ended March 20, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything!!! Pre-writes! Whatever! by MysteriousWhisper.
500 points, ended April 14, 87 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything at all! by C J Weatherholt.
700 points, ended May 23, 107 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lots of Options. :) Come check it out! by FightOffYourDemons.
400 points, ended September 4, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Hmmmish......
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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oh i can feel how lonely you are without the one you love. this is a great poem. you really make the reader feel what you feel. great job and good luck in the contest!
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Wow.
This poem, definitely, put me in your footsteps. I could feel the emotion, and hurt that you felt, or the person in this poem felt. Its always hard to have someone leave you to go into the military, and you definitely showed those emotions here.
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Yeah, this poem is how I'm feeling right now for someone I love. It's really hard right now, but all I can do is wait for him to come home. He's gonna be fine, that's what I tell myself, it's what I have to believe. Thanks for the comment!
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You're oh so welcome. Thanks for the read! I really enjoyed putting myself in your shoes, and seeing things from your perspective.
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Yeah. I hope to be having some time to PIF to the commentators who read this, so look out! I might be stalking your poems sometime!
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Since I'm fairly new, can you tell me what PIF means? And you can stalk them if you like, I hope you like them.
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PIF means Pay It Forward, aka Returning The Favor. As in, comment given for each comment received.
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its very real to me honestly. i lost my boyfriend sabastain to the army two years ago. hes over in afganistan. i havent got a letter from him in three months... . i loved this poem you brought my memeories and tears to my eyes
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I'm sorry that you haven't gotten a letter, I'm sure he's alright. One of my first boyfriends was in the Air Force and there was a time I had no contact with him for months, too. It's hard for us, the people they leave at home while they go out. All we can do is have faith in them and be strong right?
Well, here's to being strong while they're away.
Thank you for the comment.
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kudos
very sensual witing.... talking about the essense of love and sadly the pain o it also. lovely write.
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hmmmm...
so pertinent to todays life, im sure so many people are thinking just this right now... you wrapped up the feeling of loss in a great poem. good read, good write, astounding -
Beautiful. From the military perspective, I know what it's like on the other side. Outstanding write. And the honest preoblem is I've been on both sides, but from the Military perspective.
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Yeah, it's just hard on me.. I've been here a couple times for different reasons, but this is pretty damn frustrating sometimes. Thanks for the comment, Koe.
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This is lovely; thank you for entering. And the title is fine. :]
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Superb
I wouldn't change a thing. You evoked my emotions quite well, because I remembered someone with whom I had a relationship years ago. Unfortunately they passed on a while back. Thanks for sharing this with us. -
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I'm sorry for the passing. Yeah, this was a pretty hard write, since it's still so raw for me.. Thanks for the comment
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You are quite welcome.
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I enjoyed this very much! Very powerful in the almost longing it project. I can relate to this on so many levels. Very good write.
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I loved the heart put into this. It's beautiful. One note, i was confused where "That bastard still alive after being knocked of" came from.
Kudos!
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such a sorrow filled write, your descriptions are very vivid, telling a story that feels so real.
written with grace and form.
Excellent read!
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wow. this is absolutely fantastic. the imagery was great. i could see taste and fell just as the person in this poem. it was descriptive creative and well written. awesome write.
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oh, WOW...i felt like an antique jar falling off a table...you remember the times...the times are over...you crash...it's really over...AMAZING imagery...
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This is a lovely write. Dark and a little sad, but well-written and it flowed nicely. The ending lines are very powerful. Good luck in the contest you entered, and thanks for sharing this piece with us readers.
~Sparrow -
This is a lovely poem, i love the new ideas you scatter throughout, the fingerprints that are mapped on your body, tattoo's of stolen love and inked onto your eyelids. The line "that bastard still alive after being knocked off" seems a little out of place as there is no explanation behind it. I found there was some powerful imagery here and enjoyed reading. Good luck in the contest.
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loved the opening line and there's some great imagery scattered through out this piece, though I found some lines a bit cliche, overall this is a solid poem, nice job
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Which lines did you find cliche?
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