My judgment remains fractured.
How many more lovers must I wash down with Bourbon?
My heart yearns to drown and my vows are slurring beyond recognition
I'm too drunk with self- pity to begin to understand what i need
If I have to swallow more deception the heart burn will engulf me
This prescription of lies is turning into a self medicated overdose
And yet the numbing continues to tug at the strings of my broken voice
Causing me to descend too far into maddening blindness
and quavering in such dizzy spells that I am on the verge of regurgitating my soul.
I'm sick.
This ailment must seize and if love must kill me let it be with;
One pill to end the nauseating misery
Another to stop this festering infection
Two more to kill the mistakes clutching at my womb
And to heal the wounds they carved within me
And just another to rot my dreams.
Please eat me away.
A contest entry
- Jack the Ripper Meets Sybil by VivoEnMorior.
550 points, ended March 26, 6 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
I think that seperating "And just another to rot my dreams." has taken away the devestating affect of the final line. I liked the revision alot. It has a more personalized pain to. Wonderful work.
-
I would like to reserve judgement til I see your final product. As to criticism, I would say try to get flow going. It is very haulting and causes the reader to lose interest. Work with the human mind. It has good sentiment behind it, but I don't feel your emotion. I want to hear your screams. I feel like you wiped up the mess before sending this to me. Good effort. Show me more soul.
-
-
well I added a couple of changes tell me what u think
-
-
I re- edited it again. Thank you so much for your comment.
-
-
Adding your comment:
