Let your mind loose...
Where would it go?
Away from responsibility
and troubles from decisions.
Would it run to the care free times
when the hardest choice you made
was Bubblegum or Rocky Road ice cream?
You didn't have money and you didn't care.
To a time when you played hard all day
and wanted to stay up all night
because you weren't tired.
The only politics you knew
was being friends with someone
because they shared their toys.
Your best friend was the one
who did the most for you
and liked you in spite of your faults.
Sex was gross...
and nobody was sticking their tongue in your mouth.
Your only regret was you didn't get
that second piece of cake
when your mother offered it.
Welcome back...
Thank you for taking this trip of the mind.
It was free.
Let's do it again sometime.
Author notes
I don't do free verse, much. This came to mind. Enjoy.
In a list
A contest entry
- Flying Solo by Dalaney.
1000 points, ended March 12, 2009, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Hit me with your best shot. Critique this poem.
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
-
What a delightful read! Though I love your style of rhyme (you do it so well) it's great to see your talent has no limits..Very impressive young man..
-
-
I just think you are easy to please...One of my few attempts at free verse. Thanks.
-
-
This is much better. I only felt the rhythm stumble in th third and fourth lines, which I would word as:
"Away from responsibility
and troubles from decisions"
This would keep the internal scheme you keep in the rest of the poem intact. Otherwise a well thought out, well executed piece of writing.
-
-
I liked the suggestion...
and I used it. Thanks for your time and read. As you may tell, I don't do free verse
much so I have no "feel" for it. It's about all you can say is "feel". I do better inside a box.
-
-
Joyful trip, wistful feel
It was a joyful trip down memory lane. It has a wistful feel, yet an appreciation for the present at the same time. There was one word that was a little strange. "when the hardest chose you made was bubblegum or Rocky-road ice-cream? Would it be "choice"? And could we have both---please, please, please? (Sorry, I got caught up in the moment of the poem....)
-
I would love to take it again sometime, But I think we will stick with yours cause even as a young girl I was bad LOL I loved it and GLAD to see a new one from you sweetie
-
First of all, thank you for taking
me on this nostalgic and fun trip.
Secondly, you did absolutely
wonderful with the free verse form. I
like a 'feel good' poem, and you've made
me feel very good tonight. Thank you
so much for entering. Love, Lane
-
Back to a time when we could just be.. I love this
Love,
Stacy
-
Aww… thank you for the trip! This poem is like a delightful time machine that only finds the good times.
Love,
Amera♥
-
You take the reader on a nice trip.
Adding your comment:
1 - 10 of 10
