Hui at the street with lamb
hung from shoulders--
rawness, the viscera of each breath
so unlike the honeyed gunpowder
of incense.
here, i get lost in words
or movement or faces
melted into themselves like
candles, burnt for some ritual
i missed.
i want to rip my flesh from
flesh, air torn from air,
the clouds like tumors airy
on x-rays--
i can't wait for hope here
like men wait for zhenbing, street
food, hoping like for all things
nobody missed a step, forgot
what makes it so sweet,
so bitterly lost in our mouths.
A contest entry
- Foreign City by Exit-Stage-Right.
950 points, ended April 5, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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As I was reading through your home page comments, I found one from 2005:
"It does mean a lot to me whenever somebody says that they enjoy my writing. I'm planning on going to college in the fall for an english/creative writing major, but I'm still worried that I'm no where good enough to ever do well in any of the classes."
So on the one hand, I find your poem right along the lines of what I'm looking for, but on the other, your homepage appears to be created by a smart-ass, arrogant prick. Quoting:
"you think yr penning brilliant and slick,
but try reading for once; &
suck my dick."
It doesn't look like your creative writing teachers are placing enough emphasis on creativitiy. It's unfortunate, because your inane comment is directed to anyone who wanders across your page which includes me. Your lovely contest entry is therefore summarily DQ'ed.
Three claps (begrudgingly) for a good poem.
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There's an emphasis on creativity, sure, but there's also one on having some grounding in what poetry has been and is. I've found on this site time and time again that many individuals prop up sloppily scrawled journal entries as poems--which is fine, as long as you don't expect critical reviews. Academia is a strange thing in its regard to writing. You read a lot and expect others writers to have read just as much, if not more. I bring that expectation to this site, which probably isn't a great idea. Hell, I usually only end up on here when I've been drinking and feel like jotting down a few ideas--or to mess with a few poets who take their writing on here a bit too seriously.
I don't care either whether I'm in your contest or not. Truthfully, I don't remember writing the poem or entering the contest. I'm just sick of people playing off mediocrity as creativity, which seems to be the trend on this site as well as any free range poetry site or arena. I've argued with folks before about what an academic setting does to a writer. For me, I guess, it taught me how to read beyond all other things. Without this one, seemingly simple skill, any poet's work is going to fall painfully short.
In regard to the comment on my homepage, it's directed to another poet on this site--whose name I've already forgotten--who lambasted me for using "yr" in a poem, classifying it as "type-speak." It was a conversational poem, and I decided to adopt the Beat spelling of your. I don't care if somebody doesn't like my poetry. I am always open for suggestions and criticisms (which is why I participate in workshops so frequently), but I've found that folks here can say a lot and not say anything at all. There's no basis of understanding.
Smart-ass, arrogant prick, sure; I'd take anything over the kind of obliviousness that plagues writers who aren't willing to humble themselves enough to open a book.
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