Bleeding orchestra.
Mop up the floor with dance-shoes.
Break my stained-glass wings.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Wow! Very strong images! Lovely write!
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you have said so much with so little. What a wonderful way with words!
"Break my stained-glass wings"
Beautiful.
Kudos!
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Brilliant Imagery
There's so much great stuff going on in this Haiku.
I love the mixture of types of imagery you use: auditory, visual and kinetic all combined. I think the first two lines flow so well from one to the next: a clear image is presented of a drastic scene which goes on without the participants' cognizance. I really like the idea that they dancers are 'mopping up' the literal blood or metaphysical music of the orchestra. I think you've crafted those lines wonderfully.
I also think the third line is beautifully crafted: I can feel the crunchiness of the creature's fragile wings, and experience them shattering. My only comment would be that I don't see the connection to the first two lines. I understand that it's a haiku, and you're limited, but perhaps if you continue on the theme which you made in the beginning of the poem, it will all work together a bit more effectively. A mere suggestion.
Thank you so much for sharing this, and I'm going to relish this wonderful scene in my mind for a moment more. Overall, I feel this poem works because of your expert skill in imagery, so definitely don't stop here!
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Awesome! This is so short but so beautiful! I loved every line! Keep up the awesome job, Steph!
LYLAS!
Mike
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Beautifully done!!!
So much expressed in so few words with a delightfully dark undertone & flawlessly follows the the traditional 5/7/5 haiku...
Keep up the good work...
Well done!!!
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