Lying in my bed,
darkness surrounds me,
trying to sleep,
but I can't keep my mind off of you.
Remembering the night we met,
how we danced,
and laughed.
A rain of sparkling confetti,
showering down,
shimmering like diamonds.
But even though,
I left with someone else,
I cound't stop thinking of you,
But I know I could never have you.
Author notes
IT'S NOT OK
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I wrote this one night when I couldn't sleep because I was thinking of a guy I met.....it's a bit weird but oh well.......
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What did you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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great write
i also always have someone on my mind wether im asleep or not, think most can relate to this -
confetti confessions
regrets, I've had a few...... to quote ol' blue eyes (I did it my way); but ain't that a bitch, when you make the wrong choice and are left with dreams of 'what if...'
liked the confetti line also, magic!!
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A rain of sparkling confetti,
showering down,
shimmering like diamonds.
Wow.... this is deep.
I like it
Thanks for entering and best of luck
xoxo. -
i think this is what many people feel, not being about to have something or some one oftern makes you want it more, this captures that feeling very well and i enjoyed your imagry it made it so much more colourful but i think that it is limited and you could put more emotion into it rather than facts.
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'Lying in my bed,
darkness surrounds me,
trying to sleep,
but I can't keep my mind off of you.'
I can relate to this soo much.
a wonderful write.
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wow loved it. so many people can relate to your opening paragraph. I just hate it when your cant sleep because you keep thinking of some one.
great short poem.
Keep it up
thanks for entering
kmp
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I totally identiy. It's worse when it is someone you are close to, but not close to. You've captured the sleeplessness perfectly!
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this is really good! it reminds me of a poem i wrote... lol GOOD JOB!
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This is good. Thank you for entry.
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interesting read. i have felt like this. so its very relatable
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I've been here before, so I can relate to the emotions in this. I like the nostalgic tone that this has. Thanks for entering.
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actually this has happen many times to many other people. great write.
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very nice poem, i think we've all been there and done that, you captured the moment welll.
good work.
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omg! i am going thru this exact situation right now!!! and i have been for almost 4 years! so i know exactly where you are coming from! this is an excellent write! the only thing that needs to be changed, is in the first stanza you spelled of instead off, but other than that, GREAT!
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oops! lol! thank you for pointing that out =)
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I've been there, and I'm sure a lot of people have. I like the theme of this too. This gives a great picture too! Nice write. [[:♥
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great write! um...so i really love the wording in the second stanza talking about the rain of sparkling confetti. and then the last stanza is also pretty sweet. nice job!
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Oh oh oh! I remember this one And I know who it is abouuutt! *mwahaha*
This one is brillant!
"A Rain of sparkling confetti"
That is a line from a poetic goddess!
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good poem, I liked the theme of this piece and I thought it was written well, I like poetry like this one, I like the length and I think that the title was really good, it drew me in with it's simplicity, I think quite often people including myself put to much thought into the title wanting it to be long and poetic but what I need to remember is that less is more and the simpler titles are often the most effective so well done on that.
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