Insecurities

I stare at this reflected image, this false testimony,
And I wonder if I can really be all that you say I am.
I scrutinize every line, every angle and possible perception,
But the result is always the same, so clear to me, yet to you...
Somehow you find grace where so many times I have fallen,
You see beauty where there is only scar tissue and grime;
This gift of yours, this second sight, turns my every weakness
Into a blessing before your searching gaze:
And I wonder if I can really be all that you say I am.
If only you could tear back the outer shell,
Strip away my composure and expose the being within;
The pathetic weeping child who prays each night,
Pleads with forces unseen for the strength to carry on,
The patience to endure another agonizing day,
And not admit defeat to those unseen demons that forever
Hang broodingly overhead with a ceaseless gnashing of teeth,
Each day awaiting their chance to strike me down...
O!  if you could only see how I yearn to be more
Than this mannequin of shameful deception,
Housing only fear, desperation, and a longing for escape:
And I wonder if I can really be all that you say I am.
Can I pick up the pieces of this tattered existence,
Find a way to keep it all from falling apart,
From crashing down around me as I give myself up to despair?
Sweet agony makes such a comforting bed,
And nightly I have laid my head upon this pillow of grief,
Only to have my dreams flooded with woeful sirens' songs;
Ambrosial misery has embraced my soul for so long now,
I do not know if I can be roused from this wretched slumber:
But please! tear me from the arms of this death bed and give me life anew,
Breath into me your undying affection and give me courage,
Make me believe in myself once more, the way you believe in me,
And just maybe, I won't wonder if I can really be all that you say I am.