Petals tend to fold inward
When the gloaming creeps across the sky,
Crackling and glistering
Through winter's hardened husk.
Prints in front, and prints behind
Calmly assert a precedent
As I fumble
Down this frozen urban river.
I suppose
That
I expect
To find me standing there,
Somewhere beyond the last visible step.
Overhead, someone's squeezing out
The pulpy remnants of a grapefruit
In what seems to have become a nightly ritual.
Maybe I'm just being fanciful,
But I could even more be self indulgent.
Maybe the unlucky fruit simply
Finds itself fixed fast
Upon the present
As it hammers relentlessly
Against the unyielding bulk of eternity.
I guess
It doesn't really matter, because
In any case,
Tangy rivulets are slipping down my skull, and
Playing jazz upon my cheek.
I watch me watch myself make
Several halfhearted attempts at conquering the abstract,
But the sudden realization that transcendental truths
Would be hypocritical exiting the mouth of someone so steadfastly subjective
Rips me from my reverie.
Does everyone want to say something that matters?
That question's stupid and rhetorical,
But that only ever really matters when
Someone's listening.
Sometimes I think I'd rather just
Float along
A new Huck Finn,
Riding the urban river.
You will always be
The difference
Between
Mourning and morning.
A contest entry
- GIVE ME YOUR BEST by Mila7.
600 points, ended March 24, 60 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Can you reach my expectations? by Ti Amo Te Quiero.
750 points, ended May 17, 65 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Symbolism as a Medium by Hannah Sophia.
750 points, ended May 26, 26 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Rip it all to shit.
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Simply put, I adore this poem. The imagery is sadistically sarcastic in a sense. I don't quite know how to put it. The last stanza stands with such resonance that it had me thinking, "This is what good poetry is made of." The symbol of the grapefruit is unique and well utilized.
I love the stanza which reads, "In any case,
Tangy rivulets are slipping down my skull, and
Playing jazz upon my cheek."
In truth, I loved every single word of it. This is one poem I will have to read over and over again. Thank you for writing! -
Very interesting write, "Petals tend to fold inward
When the gloaming creeps across the sky,
Crackling and glistering Through winter's hardened husk." I was captivated from this stanza, and love the way you entertwined fruit throughout. Great imagery. Wonderful Job, thanks for sharing.
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Perhaps this is the most abstract stanza of the poem:
You will always be
The difference
Between
Mourning and morning.
I know you've asked me to further my explanation, and I will but not as part of the contest. Well done. I took my time with it know and I found it quite compelling.
Some here as some highlights of your poem and why I'm applauding it:
The image of the grapefruit and how it morphs into different areas of your poem. I was so intrigued by this fruit that I researched it and was surprised by the symbolic meaning given to it:
abundance
riches
talents
a good deed
But I've heard somewhere it symbolized death: It is this juxtaposition, at least in my mind which makes your poem so compelling.
For example I like the change of the grapefruit
Overhead, someone's squeezing out
The pulpy remnants of a grapefruit
In what seems to have become a nightly ritual.
In any case,
Tangy rivulets are slipping down my skull, and
Playing jazz upon my cheek.
The thoughts are so intriguing. Well done
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Thank you so much for taking the time to go into such detail, I really appreciate it. When I have a bit more time on my hands (all of my final term papers are due within the next week) I'll try to explain what I've done / why I did it to a greater extent. Maybe clear things up a bit.
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Interesting... many thoughts to ponder on... at times difficult to follow your thoughts and who you where speaking off and how they are related to what you where trying to portray.
But overall the imagery does compensate and the abstract thought immersed through out the poem is alluring. -
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Thanks for commenting. Is there anything perhaps a bit more specific that you can point to?
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