Suicide letter

Dear mother, don’t bother; dear father, don’t cry.
This letter means nothing, but I’m still going to die.
I’ve tried so hard to hold it all together.
I’ve tried so desperately to keep myself sane.
I’ve tried so hard for far too long; and though you tell me that I’m strong I’m not.
I should know….


Dear sister, forgive me; dear brother, outlive me.
This letter means nothing, but I’m still going to die.
I wish that both of you could see that I’ve been trying desperately to keep you safe and warm.
Please promise me you will not cry, please swear that you won’t question why.
Because… I don’t even know…


I’ve tried not to give any indication to what I’ve been feeling inside, but it was for the best, you know? Every time I saw one of your faces it only made it that much worse. I guess that I only want to say that since this curse wouldn’t go away, I’ve decided how I’m going to stop it. Mom, do you remember when I was five and I asked you why I was alive? You told me that it was a silly question, not meant for young ones. Since then I’ve always wondered if I had any purpose at all; No matter how big or small. Well I think I’ve finally found out what it was. Dad, there’s not much to say, and for all the times I tried to run away… for all the nights I kept you awake, for every second I made your heart ache, I’m sorry… You told me you had enough, and there was nothing that you could do or anything that you could say because you’d figured I’d do what I wanted to anyway. All I ever did was lie, and when you confronted me about it I’d look you dead in the eyes and continue to deny. I used to run away from the truth, but now I can’t run anymore. It hurts so much to breathe; it kills me inside just to blink. Every second takes an hour to pass and nothing changes. And I know full well that I won’t make it to heaven, and I’ll burn in the deepest part of hell. But so long as I see your faces in heaven, I’ll be okay… I’m just… I’m so sorry…