As Far as I can Tell

i always wished for a boyfriend
when i would tie the wish knot
on my wish bracelet.
and not long after u would show up
and we would be in what is called a relationship
and maybe it didn't last long
but i called you a boyfriend
and maybe i said "i loved you"
and you said "i love you too"
but then the bracelet came undone
and so did we
but i can always make another one
and tie the wish between the strings

and maybe you'll come back again
and maybe we'll try again
but i'm sick of this stupidity
all these fake smiles
and the distances just kill me, strangely
when we're apart
we talk more
and when you are here
its like there's an ocean between us...
...the distances they kill me

i always wished for a boyfriend
but maybe i just wished for the wrong thing
i should have wished for happiness
i guess i thought that's what you'd bring
i should have wished for direction
i guess i thought that's where we'd be going
i should have wished for the starry sky
because its just as reachable as your heart
as far as i can tell
you pushed me out
and i fell

i never wanted more than just to be loved
i never wanted more than to be cared for
i just wanted someone to be there for
and i guess i thought you were the one for me
what happened to all the promises you made me
all the sweet things that you said to me
all the dreams that you shared with me
and all the kisses that you gave to me
what happened to the sincerity
as far as i can tell
you pushed me out
and i fell

we never talk much anymore
but thats what happens when you run out of stories to tell me
and i never learned how to talk to you
why do i stumble now
i used to be so sure
so seductive, or so i thought
i guess i'm just not that girl anymore
what happened to me
what happened to you
what happened to us
can we pull through
do you even want to
as far as i can tell
you pushed me out
and i fell

you want to move away
well thats ok with me
i wish that i could be with you as long as forever is what you want too
but if we dont share a common dream
or at least a similar need
at least a love for one another
then tell me now, what you feel, i need to know if you feel the way i do...
...you used to say i drove you crazy in a good way
but the way you talk to me now
and the tone of voice you use
talking down to me, or not at all
it seems that maybe i'm the bad crazy
as far as i can tell
you pushed me out
and i fell

i always wished for a boyfriend
the ultimate dream
but i never looked beyond the first steps
what comes next
its not all fun and games and easy flying
its hard, and trying your best to make it through
i shouldnt give up hope so soon
if i havent tried on my end
to fix things
if i think they're broken
i should at least learn how to speak
before i question
or think theres any bad intentions
but as far as i can tell
you pushed me out
and i fell