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A Summer In Hell

mouth gasping for clean air
the only air was the thick smoke
encircling the room
clothes torn
ripped to shreds
the building burning
i screamed but nothing came out
every bone in my body
broken shattered
a pole jabbed through my gut
losing blood blood
the horrible smell taste
of blood
screams coming from all around me
could anyone hear us
please someone help me
fingernails ripped back
the horrid sounds
i wanted to die
but my body wont give up
the building was..
collapsing all around
i saw my friend
dead on the floor
blackened and crisp
she only lasted a minute
tear weeping down my chin
a stabbing sensation in my throat
i could hear sirens in the distance
they will come for me
they will save me
a smile almost crossed my face
i looked up
to see the ceiling falling
i tried to move
only to be pinned down
it landed on me
a small river of crimson
the door shot open
a man walked in
to see two five year old girls
dead and burned
there was nothing he could do
as the last gasp
echoed out of her mouth
he blamed himself
he thought he could save her
all he sees when he closes his lids
is that small child
hand outstretched to his
blue tarnished eyes begging him
yet all he could do was watch......

A contest entry

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    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • Facial Pagan
    March 30
    Edit | Reply
    / agree


  • aanika
    March 22
    Edit | Reply
    i asked for left-align
    poetic devices
    and the background hurts my eyes

    i think you could work on this a bit.
    maybe reconsider your line breaks/punctuation?

    and lines like this:

    losing blood blood
    the horrible smell taste
    of blood
    screams coming from all around me
    could anyone hear us