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Contours of Perception

Fervent bursts of red and orange
offshoot
the yellow and greens of your voice

illuminating
the unostentatious angles of the cosmos

--expanding
and contracting rhythmically

almost instinctual

like the lulling pulse of a mother’s womb

whilst your palms
(oh those palms) 
visualize

and yet
no matter how I try to follow the contours
of your unconceived designs
the fraying fringes of our firmament
continuously
remain obscured



Author notes

Prompt: It's... just not the same

no matter how logical someone's philosophies may be, they are sometimes hard to implement and follow. Their ideas can be the same as ours... but not

I wrote this right after a nap so I may try to make revisions, time permitting.

A contest entry

What did you think

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Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • fangs to blame
    June 22, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    "and yet
    no matter how I try to follow
    the contours of your
    unconceived designs
    the fraying fringes
    of our firmament
    continuously
    remain obscured"

    Simply brilliant. Your work is amazing. Such great talent you have.


  • Wind Walker silver member
    April 3, 2009
    Edit | Reply

    congrats on the Gold

    Well spoken words of enlightenment


  • wbiro gold member
    March 17, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    nice title (but it goes by too quick for the subject matter- one should dwell long on "contours" for some reason...) oh, a prompt piece, and a goldie! (you can see I'm savoring the aroma of my fine wine before I imbibe it lol) OK, better read, running out of time here... red, orange, yellow, green... (common colors- I see you were not trying to impress the sophisticatites) (titians?) (tacians?) red/orange might mean the dreamy images we have of someone, yellow/green the bitter reality we blind ourselves to... oh, not a relation piece- a cosmos piece... expanding/contracting rhythmically... spoken like a female... lol instinctual... womb... yes, I was not too far off... palms (usually sweaty with stress) nice last stanza, I'd move that up to the top, start off with a bang... maybe leave it at the end, too, like a refrain... I wonder what this would sound like sung... and a relation piece after all, with a cosmic tinge...


    • FallingSideways silver member
      March 17, 2009
      Edit | Reply
      I dwell long in mind, not so much on paper. Plus certain contours of the mind I just cannot seem to grasp.
      The colors I tried to use as a visual in describing the tones and words people use... the can be mild and have flairs of passion/heat whether anger or something undefinable.
      yeah my feminine side does exist...occasionally.
      you sing it and let me know...
      cosmic and unfathomable


  • Aesthete2000 gold member
    March 17, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    The bursts of colors,
    the palms, (oh, those palms)
    create a visual so strong
    it jumps from the page,
    and yet portrays the separation,
    the distance between the two people.

    Writing right after a nap
    suits you, judging from
    this quite awesome piece!


  • Mr Id
    March 16, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is excellent!

    Next time please send a message to say you are finished.

    Great poem and unique take on prompt.
    I am placing this in finalists. Thanks for entering! X


    • FallingSideways silver member
      March 16, 2009
      Edit | Reply
      woah...I am always surprised when someone enjoys or understands what I attempt to convey.

      sorry for not notifying you upon completion.

      thank you once again



      • Mr Id
        March 16, 2009

        Edit | Reply
        Well, I will be honest and sat that I probably didn't enjoy this for exactly the reasons you intended.

        I liked your intriguing interpretation of the prompt. As well as this, I found your language to be impressive, yet in no way excessive or gratuitous. It was natural and had a deliberate quality to it which I really liked. You have a good grasp of language and know how to manipulate it to your aims, is what I am trying to say.

        This is a great poem and it deserved gold, for whatever reason. That's the bottom line. Congrats.


  • xeroabyss II
    March 16, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    Feels like miles of distance between two close people....

  • The Rainbows Mind
    March 9, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    excellent choice of words. This poem is like a looking glass allowing the reader to see into your mind while at the same time, it is cleverly worded and it is very good poetically I might add.

  • Mr Id
    March 9, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    Look forward to what you have to offer!

1 - 16 of 16