Lisa wants to know
if the Alberta was something
I knew,
or rather
if
the stars that I drew
with my broken crayons
were notes in a song
rather stones strewn along
a canyon wall
where water drips
like bells hitting the floor;
If I knew
more about now
it would be an after rain--
when it is suddenly
warm and the water hot--
between us afterward;
when she guides my hand
and the notes climb ever upward,
or maybe the crayons that I choose
when darkness turns to light,
stars fading in the dawn
winking out one at a time
to make room for day
when thoughts drift apart
an old arbor with wild flowers
that last awhile and then depart.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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this is very pretty.
i love these lines & the idea of an 'after rain' in the poem:
"If I knew
more about now
it would be an after rain--
when it is suddenly
warm and the water hot--
between us afterward;"
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smooth flow and a generally interesting write. pretty and colourful
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interesting!
Thank you for sharing this one.
these were my favorite lines. maybe you could delete or replace one of the times you use the word "rather"...
the stars that I drew
with my broken crayons
were notes in a song
rather stones strewn along
a canyon wall
where water drips
like bells hitting the floor;
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Nicely Done!
I enjoyed this read very much! Very smoothly flowing.
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What a lovely soft and harmonious read this was I was expecting alberta to come out with fields of wheat as far as the eye could see and yet I found something much more delightful.
Colors written for notes in a song like tiny stars in the sky.
I must admit though that a mind that is hellbent on reading whatever it may might well find a slight hint of sensuality closely fluttering into mild imaginatory eroticism as well.
I like it, I like it so!
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I love your use of crayons in this poetic voice! That way each one can choose their own colors. Good job! Truly!
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A joyful drawing with crayons, I noticed allot of yellow in it, this is why I said joyful
Lovely
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Older, wiser? Still betting you are young at heart but with more people who come and go in life as you age it changes perceptions on what a person does and is. This reads more like you found the kaleidoscope over the years and still practice all of the colors.
C
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I bet the crayons are mostly blue.
I went looking for the pirate ship pome -- I couldn't find it. But I did find these two:
http://allpoetry.com/poem/308917
It is good to read you writing in this vein (again and yet different eh? )
You have a beautiful brain.
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