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Flat Line

she was as white as
an ice cube's blush

little faces were
tattooed on each knuckle
a blue tattooed snake curving up
disappearing behind
her left ear

flat liner
no beep
just a steady hum

blue veins without life
her nude body left
all alone

behind the dumpster
behind the
lucky star bar



A contest entry

Does this fit in with the oihers?

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Comments

  • Bad Bill
    March 22

    Edit | Reply
    A powerful and disturbing contemporary poem, written with style and perfect tone.

    Good stuff,
    Bill


  • Barry Hodges
    March 22

    Edit | Reply
    The Lucky Star Bar could easily be one of the establishments I have visited and described in my "Memories" series of poems - do let me know where you live as I may well have lost a dear one there and it would jolt my memory to write a poem on the subject.


  • badnovocaine
    March 16

    Edit | Reply
    I thought you did a excellent job with this contest and I can say that the judge has their work cut out for this one, this is indeed dark, I could just picture it and you did paint a very vivid picture, felt like watching a movie or reading a suspenseful book.

    Kind of made me wonder about a lot of things though, like how did the girl end up like that? Almost as if a story unfolded but I wanted to see what happened next.
    I love poetry but it leaves me hanging a lot and hungry for your next masterpiece.


    Good luck in the contest.


  • Keith
    March 9

    Edit | Reply
    Help ma boab! Do they still flat line? I think this world is the best we have, and it is a huge leap to take one into the next. Death is our constant companion, but I'd not choose to sit beside him at life's feast.
    However, I appreciate the metaphor of the poem, and the clever link with the title, which was after all meant to encourage freedom of expression. The removal of all punctuation, apart from the isolated apostrophe, is extremely bleak, and, if I may say so, the apostrophe could be taken as a last tick on the line of the monitor, before it finally flattens out.
    Similarly, the total lack of capitalisation is wonderfully bleak. And you've removed every colour except blue. If the poem was any colder, I'd consider turning up the central heating!
    Well Done, and thanks for the entry. You should wish me good luck in the judging, for I dinnae ken how I'm goin' tae do it fairly!