another cold night.

When i was younger I would have nightmares
And sit in the hallway to wait for the golden blue sunrise-
The very first touch- melting snow- extinguished fire-
my face softened.

And when that came I knew everything was going to be okay.
sometimes even,
it was.

you see,
I never wanted to wake anyone up when i was like that-
I was young, but their troubles were their own,
And mine the same.
I just held my knees and waited for the sun
To rescue me.
it worked alright, i suppose
but my mother found me waiting one night night,
and asked why.

She got me a glass of milk and
told me that when I couldn’t sleep
I should go outside for a few minutes
And get a feel for the starvation and the cold
And the hurt of the world,
And it would make me feel better
About my own bed.

“It’s okay honey, we live in a nice neighborhood now.”

That might sound harsh,
But I tried the next night -
it really worked

And It always worked from then on
And I still do it to this
day.
*
Tonight I went out there without my shirt
And sat in the sleeting, freezing rain
And let the cold get into me, stick to me,
And the pain became me
And I stayed there
just feeling it,
completely

Until I decided that it was okay
To hurt.

I was going to be okay.
And I wouldn’t worry.
And when I walked inside
the warmth of our house
almost made me
Smile.
*
This was only one of the many wise things
My mother has told me through the years
And I don’t think she knows how smart she is.
She worries.

But when it comes all down to it,
Despite all her faults

she is a woman of beauty
And virtue
And love.

Even if I accomplish everything that I hope for,
I doubt I could be seen that way
As truly
as I feel this
For
Her.

I could only be so lucky.