Sometimes I feel like a murderers child
Sometimes I feel a victim of guile
The feelings go through my head
Sometimes I'm filled with dread.
Sometimes I wonder at my birth
Sometimes I ponder my death
The feelings so strong I misunderstand
I sometimes pray to understand
Sometimes I feel like a murderers child
Sometimes I peel like a spoiled smile
The feelings go round and round in my mind
I sometimes wither like a grape on the vine
In a list
Comments
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I like the inward expression in this piece, those self questioning phrases that we all ask from time to time.
Nice rhyme in this piece as well.
Thank you for your entry.
I do hope you have enjoyed reading the writings of Manuel Bandeira. Best of luck in the judging. ~Pamela
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I like it; a bit distrubing
First impresssions: Beautiful layout, image, presentation. The poem made ponder and wonder. Several of the phrases you use reinforced this: "a murderers child", "a victim of guile", what you wonder, what you ponder.
"Sometimes I peel like a spoiled smile" has a rough, acidic, and somewhat hard edge for me.
This feels like an "experiential" piece to me (not intended to clearly convey a story or a message, rather to evoke/impart an experience).
I like it, I think. A bit disturbing for me.
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Thank you
Your correct. The poem is meant to be disturbing and convey an experience not a message. However, do not all experiences convey messages?
In this experience I attempt to describe how it would be to feel like a murderers child and how that would impact the daughter or son who is trapped by an unforgettable action they personally didn't perform. But, it is they who suffer the most when their peers look aside, mutter whispers, and walk away...
Or, you can read this and see the meaning convey another type of experience, that of a murderer who has an inner child and feels betrayed by the action he or she did and cannot believe how he or she could have done it..... -
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Ah, yes, I see now.
"do not all experiences convey messages?" Hmmm, yes. Although in my observation, being open to said messages allows one to receive more fully of them. As I am doing so (more than ever before in this lifetime) lately, I notice my spirit blossoming, my writing becoming more powerful, and people in my life being very, very happy for me.
Good luck in the contest.
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