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Fade Away.

I hope you're here to s/e/e me

Fade away...

You're the reason I'm so d

                                      o

                                      w

                                      never knowing,

that all I needed was l   l
                                o   o
                                  v   v
                                    e   e

I wanted you to f.e.e.l that you
    weren't P-E-R-F-E-C-T-I-O-N
Wanted to (h)(e)(a)(r) nO, s/e/e YOU
c'r'y' for once
you led me a

                   s

                     t

                       r

                         a

                           y    and then left me

a(l)o(n)e

 

The t t   you see f
     e   e             a
    a     a             l
      r   r              l   will be my l.a.s.t     

        s

because you made me

Fade Away...

You K.I.L.L
      a n i  e

      n s t  e

      i  i  t  c

      v g l  h

      i  n e  

      n i     

      g f     

         i     

         c     

         a     

         n     

         t     

 

 

 

Author notes

Here's my first dirty pretty ever. enjoy

SN:G r a c e f u l N D p e n d e n c e
"Don't die live life"

In a list

A contest entry

What do you think?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 28 of 28

  • AbidoodleCullen
    August 10

    Edit | Reply
    I love it (:
    Thanks for entering and good luck!
    ~Abi


  • Antebellum
    July 27
    Edit | Reply
    woh.
    I absoultly love the "fade away"
    part.
    Thanks so much for taking the time to enter,
    wonderfull written.

  • dkilla001
    July 9

    Edit | Reply
    hm, im not a really big fan of the dirty pretty thing, but this piece was actually pretty good with its application. the usage i liked best was the perfection line, very good. good luck in the contest


  • cookie-monster
    July 9

    Edit | Reply
    o.o this was amazing !!! I love love love dirty pretty. It was very impressive.

    thanks for entering!


  • Heva Feva
    June 25

    Edit | Reply
    I absolutely LOVE the fade away bit, it's amazing! It's a really beautiful poem with a strong message and full of emotion. Good luck and thanks for entering my contest.
    -heva

  • Mercury Rising
    June 25

    Edit | Reply
    The last poem I read was erotic, but not dirty pretty, and this one is dirty pretty, but not erotic. nyway, this is still a really excellent piece for your first dirty pretty attempt. Best of luck in my contest, and thanks for entering.


  • SubKitten
    May 15

    Edit | Reply
    This was wonderfully done overall. I'm not much for the dirty.pretty style, but you did very well with it. A very enjoyable piece!


  • PaintedParisPassion
    May 13

    Edit | Reply
    I liked this. It just seemed a little cluttered in areas, be careful about over punctuating. We're all guilty of that, but honestly, for your first DP write ever, this was really good! Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.

    -B

  • the evil angel
    May 9

    Edit | Reply
    I really liked when you had down flow into the next word instead of repeating the n. That [art really felt like the strongest part to me. I like the way you shaped the words instead of only using punctuation, and the different colors were cool too. I've already decided not to dip into dirty pretty, but thank you for sharing this with me.


  • LUv InFeCtEd
    April 25
    Edit | Reply
    omg!!! its one of the best dirty pretty ive read!! congrats


  • Dearly Beloved...
    April 24

    Edit | Reply
    I was very well tought out and cleary you put time inot it, The art work you did with the poem, was verynic, e but took awaty a bit fomr the true meiton, still great


  • HereComesTheSun
    April 9

    Edit | Reply
    this was a pretty good poem, and i feel the dirty pretty worked well with it, i love how you did the word tears, but the rest to me didnt need to be sugar coated, it was okay just being written down. i feel you didnt need all this jazz it was an overall good poem

    thanks for entering


  • perfectsunset gold member
    April 3

    Edit | Reply
    Title- 4/5
    Creativity- 5/5
    Use of metaphors, imagery, etc.- 10/10
    Overall package- 4/5

    Total mark= 23/25

    Wow, the ending blew me away.
    Absolutely LOVED it... so clever
    & so powerful and brutally honest.

    Overall, this was an amazing
    piece of poetry, of course, I think
    it could do with a little less punctuation,
    but you didn't over over do it and that's good.

    Best of luck & thanks for entering


  • Umi Juvariel
    April 1

    Edit | Reply
    AH! I like this piece! You really did a great job with the visual words and the colors. They made this piece excellent in my mind. This is a preliminary finalist! Excellent write and good luck in my contest.


  • Beautiful Sin-
    March 31

    Edit | Reply
    You K.I.L.L
    a n i e

    n s t e

    i i t c

    v g l h

    i n e

    n i

    g f

    i

    c

    a

    n

    t


    ---I love that line!
    Great write! I love it!
    Honestly can't believe it's your first!
    Keep it up!


  • Antebellum
    March 29

    Edit | Reply

    wow your first?

    this is great. Ive attempted to write dp...but i always got negitive feedback so i went back to my usual. lol


  • Draig aine gold member
    March 29
    Edit | Reply

    well done

    a powerhouse!


  • Kathraina silver member
    March 26

    Edit | Reply
    Oooh wow I remember this from my DP contest!!!!!!
    Wonderful write full of emotion and great imagery.
    Bravo!!!


    ♥ Kate


  • XcPrincessB
    March 22

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    Great poem. I loved it - the pain and the anger. We've all been there so it's very relatable.
    Great Dirty/Pretty in my huimble opinion... all the lil tools used had a purpose. The last line was a lil hard to read but once I "got it" I was so impressed. Thanks for entering


  • August Starlight silver member
    March 18

    Edit | Reply
    Your first attempt at dirty pretty is much better than mine!
    I love how you formed the teardrop with the word tears.
    Love the story too, very relateable.
    Thanks for entering and good luck.


  • Kathraina silver member
    March 16
    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is absolutely marvelous!


  • Heroesrox
    March 15

    Edit | Reply
    Awesome take on the whole DP thing. I never really tried...Quite enjoyable write nevertheless. Keep it up.


  • Heartbreaker Eyes
    March 11

    Edit | Reply
    Josh this was amazing! XD
    I wanted you to f.e.e.l that you
    weren't P-E-R-F-E-C-T-I-O-N

    That was so the part that grabbed me. It was gorgeous, great DP.
    {Sarah.♥}


  • TheToeSockMystery
    March 9

    Edit | Reply
    OMG! Joshy this was amazing! The "tears" thing was the best! It was sooo sad though Joshy, although at the end you got a little pissed off ness going on and that was awesome! Your the best Joshy! I hope you win the Gold cause you most def. deserve it!!!


  • Bev Hilderman gold member
    March 9

    Edit | Reply
    Very interesting write, I like what you have done here. I don't know a lot about dirty pretty but you have me interested.
    Thanks for sharing.


  • Sudo Nimh silver member
    March 9
    Edit | Reply
    wow..cool visual layout there..! is that what dirty pretty refers to? ..

    • Cyanide Dreams
      March 9
      Edit | Reply
      I'm not exactly sure. But I think that may be part of it. Another, someone said this to me is that, "Dirty pretty is just the manipulation of punctuation to make words seem even more powerful" Thanks for reading.

      Josh

1 - 28 of 28