Steam rises
infused with the essence
of vanilla
Candles flicker
filling the room
with a warm soft
light
A glass of wine
glows a deep
purple in the
gentle light
Sliding into the
warm, almost hot,
water, immersing
myself up to my
neck.
I finally relax and
let the days and
weeks of built
up stress and tension
slide off of me into
the tub.
Soft towels to dry me off.
Then I slide between
clean crisp sheets to
sleep.
A contest entry
- Take Me With You by S A Adelmann.
1750 points, ended April 12, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
Technical:
I think you have some very nice and simple word choices that seem to support the warm, embracing nature of a nice bath. The sounds are soft and whispery when I read this aloud. My only problem would be with some of your line-breaks. It might just be me, but I don't really like to see prepositional phrases broken up between lines - it seems to break up the rhythm a bit - and I think the same could be said of a few other choices you made - like breaking off the adjective from the noun it modifies. You might look to make some changes there.
Personal:
You succeeded in taking me with you to that comforting bath - and the nice warm sheets that follow. I was definitely connected to that feeling. Well done.
-
Sounds so good! I wish I could do the same right now!!
-
Thank God for the refuges, small though they might be. We take their advantage and escape momentarily. The mind and heart so hard to shut off and quieten, a warm bath, a glowing candle and a soothing glass of wine enhance the peace of solitude sometimes hard won.
Your poem a poem refuge where the reader's mind finds calm.
Peace to you.
-
Rest well my friend. Beautifully penned!
-
Oh yes...I want to be there, I need to be there...
I can feel tight neck muscles relaxing in you; good write!
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
