They told me not to love you.
But I do.
Not to fall for your games.
But I fell.
I fell a thousand feet,
and didn't move an inch.
They said said you would break my heart.
I didn't listen, and they were right.
They said I shouldn't smoke,
but I do. Even though I know the hazards.
They said to not let you take my [innocence]
But now it's gone and I will never get it back.
All thats left of it is a memory.
It's gone, it's gone, it's gone.
They told me "Don't look down."
so what did I do? I looked.
They told me I wouldn't do it,
that I would not make it.
Well I did it, here I am.
Standing here, this day.
Wondering, if it was all just a lie!
Well it doesn't matter.
I did it, I broke the rules.
I had my fun, I lost myself.
Was it worth it?
Is this what I wanted?
If I could go back and change it all,
I wouldn't! For I wouldn't be,
who I am today!
I wouldn't be me.
Author notes
option 18
A contest entry
- Hmmm... My Turn! by Loveberry.
1600 points, ended April 2, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what is your honest opinion?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I fell a thousand feet,
and didn't move an inch.
so..when you said that to me you were just re-using old poetry lines rather than catering to just me? -
Awh! a very optimistic outlook on life experiences i, for one, am glad to see that you are proud of who you are- it is very admirable!
Fav line: "I fell a thousand feet,
and didn't move an inch." <--ironically, very moving! lol
a couple suggestions:
change the 'brake' to 'break' on line 8.
Put a question mark at the end of 'Is this what I wanted."
Change the period on "Standing here this day." to a comma
other than that, you did a fabulous job! keep fighting the good fight, and remain yourself no matter the obstacles that try to take you down
good luck in the competition!
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Thanks again.
You know I did go back and change that break. No one is really gonna understand that. All they will see is I used the wrong brake, like you did. So thank you for noticing that. -
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it's not a problem, but if you wish to keep the same meaning you could always just use stop!!!
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Thank you
Thank you for the suggestions. I meant that kind of brake. "They said you would stop my heart..." Thank you for the question mark. I did miss that.
And I changed that around a little to make it flow better.... -
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well, they are simply suggestions and you can do whatever you wish with your poem although i am happy to be of even the slightest help!! this really is a great piece... and i like what you did with it!
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