Spitting and chewing
up the trees
like a dragon
eating people.
Killing and
turning everything
black
and charred.
Bright reds
and oranges
Flashing by night,
Though no one
may see
its beauty:
beauty of death
Death, but life.
Rebuilding life
as it kills
remaking through
Crisp, crackling, snapping flames.
Flames of light.
Blacks to greens
and reds to browns
spurting through
the heat.
Life, again.
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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My advice would be to ixnay the dragon comparison. It reads a bit cheesy, and changes the way one approaches the rest of the poem. I would take a couple of days to think about other metaphors or similes you could use which express the image more artfully, and feel more appropriate to the serious tone of the rest of the piece. You may also want to consider bringing forth the contrasts you hint at; yes fire destroys and gives life, but what is the significance? Fire often represents life; for our ancestors fire WAS life. It's interesting that life itself automatically destroys other life.
This probably isn't what you were getting at in the poem, but those are the thoughts your poem conjured in my mind, which speaks to the effectiveness of your imagery. With some tweaking this could be a very good piece of work. -
Wow this is a great dragon poem and the fire from the dragon blackens everything. Thank you for shareing it was a pleasure
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i like your train of thought in this. i don't know if i have any writing suggestions. perhaps if any, a little more punctuation might serve it well. other than that, this is a focused and meaningful write. i like that you know & want to share that earth does rebuild itself...death leading to life, to death, and back to life again. wonderful concept!
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i like it... im guessing you are describing fire?
beauty of death
Death, but life.
Rebuilding life
as it kills
remaking through
Crisp, crackling, snapping flames.
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Welcome to All Poetry~
Some excellent lines with great images. My only suggestion would be to divide this narrow form into several stanzas so it does not read like a 'stack' of words.
Great theme, etc. Let me feature this to see what others say.
Thank you!
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